Finding Thanks

In the past, I have been accused of being optimistic to the point of Pollyanna. I know; it's hard to believe. The cynical, jaded Pobble that optimistic. It is, however, truer than I often like to admit. I truly believe things will work out. Maybe it's years working domestic violence and the perspective that gave me. Maybe it's being hospitalized at 17 for depression and the perspective that gave me. Maybe it's four years with a really excellent therapist and the perspective that gave me. Maybe it's just foolhardiness. I don't know. I do know that, eventually, I come out of my funk and start putting one foot in front of the other and then...something happens. I remember that, whatever it is, it isn't forever. Guess where I've gotten over the last three weeks?

Because there is still so much for which to be thankful:
* I'm going through this with Lithus by my side;
* when the Lovely Cats said "let me throw you a birthday party" we said "okay" instead of deciding to be somewhere else between the Oregon job and the Malaysia one;
* there wasn't another gig after my birthday party so we hung out here at the Cathouse, instead of ending up in Utah or somewhere, stuck, with no one and nowhere to go;
* unemployment insurance;
* the fact that we do have a place to be, to live, to stay, until the answers start being "when can you start" instead of "nothing right now";
* the timing on the sale of the jeep ~ and the fact that the deal hadn't quite closed;
* the knowledge that if it turns out we really need to be on the west coast or the gulf coast, we have places we can be there, too;
* that Lithus is discovering what this kind of family means;
* that I know what this kind of family means.

And it's the holiday season, for which I am always thankful because, well, it's the holidays.

Blessed be, everyone. May you find your own thanks this week.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Are You Fucking KIDDING Me?

Friday, the Lovely Cats and I head to Worcester, MA where my storage still is to check in on it and drop stuff off. I tell her that, according to Lithus's morning phone call, we need to be ready for me to leave the country Monday. On the way to Worcester, my phone rings. It is Lithus. In the 2 hours between the time he had called to say good morning and then, the company had lost their contract and was sending him home because they could no longer afford to keep him on. He'll be back in NYC Tuesday.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????????????????

First, we weren't told there was a contract outstanding. We were told all contracts had been signed and there was GUARANTEED work through 2012. Second, he turned down 2 BETTER PAYING JOBS to take this one because it was the most interesting one AND THEY KNEW IT. Third, we have made several financial decisions based on this job (sold the jeep, made some large payments to get ahead on a few things, you get the idea). Fourth, we have jumped through our asses for them to get Lithus there in time to get to work on their timeline (remember the unexpected trip to Canada? Yeah.). We also made little decisions based on this (new clothes for both of us for my b'day party; buying Halloween costumes). And while these aren't big, even added together, they are only two things. We've been making these little choices since mid-September when John and Gary PROMISED us *they* were different because *they* had been pilots and *knew* what it was like for pilots to get dicked around by companies and had *sworn* they would never do this to *their* pilots once they started their own company. And they are sending him home after a week and a half.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????????????????????

So now I had to call the guy who gave me a $50 deposit on the jeep and was expecting to pick it up this afternoon and get him his deposit back; Lithus has to find another job; I have to research unemployment and see if he has to be in the same state where he was last employed in order to collect; blah blah blah...

I was coming home from Worcester and making my plane reservations, wiring a deposit to the place we wanted to live in KL and canceling both my car insurance and our COBRA. TTG I had all that planned for Friday and no sooner.

My friends and family have said their goodbyes ~ some of them quite touching. We have been stressed and on overload trying to relocate overseas. Our friends and family have been patient and understanding and calming in spite of the craziness that this stretch of our lives has put them through. And now...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????????????????

I am angry, hurt, speechless, overwhelmed, you name it, I'm feeling it. The reality hasn't quite set in yet but it's coming.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????????????????

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee, if I can stand to be around you (and you can stand me, too) right now.