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Thursday, July 24, 2014

It Must Be Exhausting

As a well-endowed woman, my bras are important to me. They must offer support and all-day comfort, without giving me the uni-boob of a workout bra. If they are pretty, that's an extra bonus, but since I'm no longer a teenager, cute isn't as important as it once was.

I also wear a color of lipstick that is inexplicably difficult to find. I cannot possibly be the only person who wants a long-staying, dark brown, but not muddy, lipstick. Given the options out there, you would think I was, though.

The other night, we went to the store. I found my lipstick! YAY! I found three ~ three ~ comfortable, supportive, attractive bras! YAY!  When it came time to check out, I realized the jewelry department was still open. This is the store where I wanted to get my ring repaired. So, I sent Lithus to check out while I took my ring to the jeweler. Off he went with my bras and lipstick. Neither of us thought anything of it ~ until he met me back in the jewelry department.

He was chuckling as he stepped up to me. The young women behind the register was so incredibly uncomfortable at a man, unaccompanied by a woman, was buying lipstick and bras. Painfully uncomfortable.

All I can think is how tiring it must be to be that uncomfortable in your own skin, with the people you have to deal with everyday, with the world around you.

Oh, and if you're interested, the bra is Bali's Comfort Revolution wirefree. Seriously, if it applies to you, you need this bra.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I'm Naked!

Last summer, Lithus upgraded my wedding band. Over the course of the last year, that gorgeous stone has gotten loose. So loose, in fact, that one can hear it when a type. Yep, hear it wiggle over the clackety clack of my keyboard.

Since we bought it at a northwest chain, while we were here in Oregon, I took it back in to see if it could be tightened. It could. Yay! They had to send it off. Boo! Still, it was worth it in order to not lose the stone.

I had no idea how much I played with my ring, but apparently it's a lot because I keep reaching for it and panicking. It's a short-lived panic, but there's that momentary flash of terror. Plus, my hand just doesn't look right. Looks...naked.

See? Naked.
Luckily, it'll be back on my finger Friday. Still...I've gotten attached to it.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

From My Heart's Heart

My Heart is engaged. She's a lovely young woman, and, as I've told several people now, I don't say that just because I'm supposed to. I really like her, think she will be (is) a remarkable addition to the family, and look forward to becoming truly good friends.

The other day, she sent me this.

See why I love her already?

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Problem with this Day and Age

When I was 18, I knew a young man through theatre. These days, I know he was a young man. Then, he was 26 or 27, so he was very grown and sophisticated. We were both techies, although I acted as well, but he was only ever behind the scenes. He was nice enough, but I wasn't attracted. Then one night, for some reason time has taken away, we ended up grabbing dinner at the Hardee's just the two of us before a show. And I learned that a man who can have intelligent conversation becomes beautiful. A crush was born.

Over the next several months, we flirted, we got shows up, we went to parties, and we hooked up a time or two. I was aching for him to ask me out officially, but he never did. I got more involved with my college theatre and less involved in the local theatre. We kept  in touch, but not much. Until one night he called and asked me to dinner. Only by this time, I was dating someone else seriously. I accepted dinner with my friend, but made it clear it could only be as a friend.

We went to Shaker's. I ordered the chicken cordon bleu and felt oh so grown up. He was moving to Florida to go to work for the Mouse. Getting out of our small town and going to be a professional theatre technician in a professional theatre. He had wanted to see me before he left, say some things he hadn't said.

And he started talking about fear and regret and lost opportunities ~ and asked me what I would have said if he had asked me to go to Florida with him. Now, I want to be very clear. He did not ask me to go to Florida with him. He did ask me what I would have said if he had. I was as honest with him as I was capable of at 19, and explained that I would have dated him ~ had wanted to date him ~ but that I was happy that we were both happy and moving forward with life. We kissed goodbye after dinner and were both acutely aware of everything we had missed. 

After the relationship I was in during that dinner ended, I wrote him. We exchanged a few letters, but by then he was, indeed, out of our small town and had discovered a much larger world. He was dating someone. As happens so often, promises to keep in touch and get together never quite happened. Remember, it was pre-email, pre-Facebook. Even long distance phone calls cost money.

I have no idea what made me think of him earlier this week. Truly, I already cannot remember. Back when he and I knew each other, I would have thought about him, imagined him down in Florida, or maybe moved on to another theatre, or maybe even profession. I would have smiled, wished him well, and kept going. But without anyone who might have known him still in my world, that would have been it. A smile, a happy if imaginary life, and moving on. Except that we don't live in that day and age. We live now. In a world with facebook and google searches and instant access.

I googled him.

And I found two people with his name (it's an unusual name). One was in college. Oooo...maybe that was his son. How cool would that be. And the other... The other couldn't have been my friend. My young man. Because it was an obituary.

Only...it was him. There on Find A Grave dot com. His wife had posted a picture of him with his infant son. And there was no mistaking that smile that hadn't attracted me ~ and then had. He died only 6 years after that dinner at Shaker's. I assume the woman he was dating when we wrote became his wife.

I hope he was happy. I hope they were happy. And I wish, the other day when I thought of him, I had written a life for him where he was still happy, still busy, loving his kids and wife, still hanging lights from a theatre catwalk somewhere and left it at that. But I didn't. Because we live in this day and age.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Let's Just Stop

When I was learning math in school, I would struggle and struggle because I didn't understand why. Why 2+2=4. Why one cross multiplies fractions. Why a train leaves the station at 2:33 traveling 92 miles per hour. Throughout my school and math-learning career, I struggled with the why. Eventually, though, I would finally get to the point where I would remember that the why doesn't always matter. What matters is accepting. Accept that  2+2=4. Accept that one cross multiplies fractions. Accept that the train left the station...

Along those lines, here's what I want to suggest: that we just accept a couple of things. Stop arguing about them. Stop debating them. Stop even talking about them. Just accept that they are bad and stop doing them.

1. Stop wearing black face. Or yellow face. Or red face. Or any other kind of face that isn't your own skin color. "But I meant to be respectful...." "But I wanted to honor the character..." "But I meant it in fun..." Bullshit. No, you didn't. Not any more. Not at this stage of the game. It's a bad idea, regardless of your motivation. And anyone who hasn't lived under a rock for the past 30 years knows this. Don't play dumb; it's not attractive.

2. Stop leaving your children (or pets) in hot cars. They die. There is no such thing as "a quick run in" when your child (or pet) is in a hot car. Cracking a window doesn't matter. Parking in the shade doesn't matter. How long you intend to be away doesn't matter. Your dog would rather be at home. Your child can come in with you. And if your kid can't, then you shouldn't be running the errand right then. 

3. Stop adopting fake gay relationships as a plot device. Either make your characters gay, bring them out of the closet, and embrace it, or leave them straight. Why is two men pretending to love each other and want to make love with each other funny? Here's the easy answer ~ it's not. At best, it's lazy writing. At worst, it's subtle bigotry. 

4. Stop using derogatory words for a group if you aren't a part of that group. White folks don't get to say n****r. Men can't reclaim slut. Straight folks are never hip enough to throw around f****t. "But they say it..." may be true, but it's their word to reclaim. Not yours. This isn't rocket science.

In fact, none of it is. But we aren't getting it, somehow. We're fighting it, fighting with the why. It's time to stop fighting it, and accept it. Understanding doesn't matter. Why doesn't matter. These things are wrong, hurtful, stupid, and ignorant. Stop doing them. 2+2=4. It just does.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Breeding Fear and Disrespect

We were watching CNN this morning and had to turn it off. Not because of the war news out of Israel/Palestine, Russia/Ukraine, or Syria. Not because of fires, death, or famine. Because of the news anchor and the shows being advertised. Not Fox or MTV or E!News. CNN.

The anchor in question was interviewing a representative of Palestine and, in essence, called him a liar. He maintained his cool, but she didn't. The shows ~ original shows created by CNN ~ are about spreading fear. The Killer Next Door kind of thing. Voice overs that say "It takes courage...it takes courage to get out of bed every morning when there is SO MUCH to fear..."


There is an apocryphal story about President Johnson's response to a critical editorial by Walter Cronkite around the Vietnam War, saying "If I've lost Walter Cronkite, I've lost middle America." If that is true or not, we believe it. We believe it, because Cronkite was as objective as a human being can be. We didn't know his opinions about much. We didn't know his emotions about much. And when we did learn them, it mattered and was worth noting.

Truth is we are embracing fear these days. And we have gotten disrespectful and emotional as a society. Objectivity is becoming a lost art. We're doing this all on our own. We don't need our "objective news outlets" to be helping us along.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

*That* Person

You know the person you just can't stand? No reason for it. Other people have no problem with them.  Maybe it's instantaneous. Maybe it grows with time. Regardless, it's nothing you can put your finger on. You just. don't. like them.

It has dawned on me that I am that person. Not for everyone, obviously, but for a woman here in our building. She's our building manager, and more awkwardly, she's the wife of one of Lithus' friends. She's pleasant to me. Professional. But wow...she doesn't like me. She's even tried, and I will give her that completely. 

I stay me. I try not to try to hard. I am pleasant and offer conversation. But over the course of the 18 months we've lived in this building, I have simply rubbed her the wrong way.

That person is someone we all know, talk about, roll our eyes, and sigh over. It's really strange when you realize ~ it's you.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.