Sunday, August 26, 2012

What A Difference A Week Makes

But it actually starts sixteen years ago. My ... "friend" seems so inadequate ... she's my sister as much as anyone related to me by blood and biology. My Cats. My lovely, Lovely Cats. Sixteen years ago, she married a man who had made her cry the day before. And for sixteen years, he has worn her down. He has called her names until she believed them. He has showered her with insults until she thought they were true. I have seen him beet red and screaming, so close to her face he was spitting on her. And, still, what I saw wasn't as bad as it got, because it was always better when he had a witness; he was on his best behavior.

Last Saturday, he sent her to the hospital. He slammed her arm in the door to the point everyone thought it was broken and then wouldn't let her leave the house. Afterward, he made her beg to be taken to the emergency room.

It wasn't the first time the police were called. It was the first time neither of them could cover it up, excuse it away, charm it back behind closed doors. 

I'm sitting here, trying to find the words to explain just what he did, what it was like, and have just decided that I can't. It is impossible. The words I can find though, are the words that will follow her as she moves forward. And is she ever moving forward.

She is stronger after only one week than I have seen her in sixteen years. She is a better mother than she's been in thirteen years. She is more resolved than I've seen her ever. This will not happen again.

Is it easy? Of course not. Is she okay? Of course not ~ except that she is. Her brother said that maybe things were going as well as they could be, and I was able to reassure him that they were going even three baby steps better than that.

It's been a long week. It's going to be a longer...however many months the state requires and then he drags this out. She will go through times when she is weaker than she is right now. She will only continue to get stronger. She is already surrounding herself with better people, people who know the difference between love and control. People who understand that her being at her best is a good thing, not a threat. People who want her to succeed, not fail.

I watched her today at the beach, playing with her children, smiling and laughing and at peace. We were barely adults ourselves the last time I saw her like that. I've missed my friend. It's good to have her back.

Saturday night



One Week

It's been a long week. But as I was telling the Princess Kitty, as scary and sad as this week has been, this one week has made every day for the rest of our lives so much better.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.


Hermes said...

Some part of me wants to sort this guy out behind a woodshed somewhere. Even though I know its wrong. Courage and good luck Lovely Cats.

Don Maillet said...

I'm speechless.... the physical scars will disappear much faster than the emotional. One day at a time, one week at a time. She must resolve to never go back. How blessed she is to have you by her side. Sending positive energy and love your way.

BostonPobble said...

GOML! - There is a part of me that would let you. Instead, though, I will pass along your good wishes.

Don - You will not be the only speechless one. She hid it well, but at least no longer!

Lori Stewart Weidert said...

Lovely Cats, if you are reading here: Know that you have an army behind you, cheering and praying and crying. Goddammit, you GO, girl.

CrackerLilo said...

I'm so grateful Cats was able to go to you, and documenting this will help, too. I'm so horrified that anyone did this to such a lovely person, especially the person in this world who's supposed to love her most. And I'm sad that he emotionally and physically abused her for 16 years.

Cats, I hope you find emotional healing as well as physical, that you see justice done, that the next chapter of your life is much better, and that you find real love one day, the kind that doesn't hurt.

Rose said...

I have put you both on my prayer list and will do so when I go to church. Men like him are cowards and I pray she sees that she is so much better without him...

BostonPobble said...

GNightGirl ~ She is reading here and, goddamit, she's GOING! :)

Cracker Lilo ~ Thanks for stopping by. It is so very sad, and yet she is so very strong, too.

Rose ~ THANK YOU! Your prayers are being answered, as she is solid in the fact that her life is *already* better without him!

Anonymous said...

I don't recall how I happened onto your blog and also Cats' blog (when she had a public blog), but I did and continued to read both of your blogs because I enjoy good, creative writing and especially people with whom I agree politically.

Additionally, as a lay leader in an ELCA congregation, I appreciated it when the Lovely Cats posted about church & faith matters. And as a mom, I also like reading blog posts about family.

Even though I never met her, I am mortified that she has suffered for 16 years. She and the children have been in my prayers since I read this post.

Ian Lidster said...

She has to get that sadistic piece of shit completely out of her life before he kills her. These things can play out in such a horrendous way. What a grim story and my heart goes out to her.

CatNFiddle said...

Sending love to the amazing Cats from a mishmosh of the Midwest, Florida and NYC (the Stamm Clan is a little far-flung these days). Never far from any of our thoughts.

neo-prodigy said...

And thank the God/Goddess for blessing Cats with a sister who is there for her when she needs her the most.

Praying for both of you and glad to read things are improving.

BostonPobble said...

Anonymous ~ I'm glad you delurked in order to leave the comment, and hope you leave more.

Ian ~ Amen and blessed be to that! I am happy to report that she is continuing to move on in that very direction.

CatNFiddle ~ Have made sure she sees this. ;)

Neo-Prodigy ~ Thanks, although I can't take all the credit. I think the Bailey's has helped, too!

kimber said...

To your Lovely Cats, I send strength and resolve and the determination to follow the twisty path to a happier life, no matter how difficult it might seem. When you give her a hug, whisper in her ear and remind her to keep looking forward, always always always. :)

BostonPobble said...

Kimber ~ Always, always, always. I like that whisper and will continue to put it in her ear, from both of us.

Save Dale Ehard said...
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