Friday, May 17, 2013

Well, That'll Learn Me

Recently, I was contacted by two friends. One, I've known since college. We were in each others' weddings. We've stayed in touch through her work struggles, my divorce. Issues with our families. We're those kinds of friends. About three years ago, she fell off the radar. This was during the time that Lithus and I were going to Malaysia ~ and then weren't. Had great jobs ~ and then didn't. Were on the top of the world ~ and then weren't. Being my friend was tiring, to say the least. There was always drama. Honestly, I figured she was tired of it. Sad, but hardly indefensible. I really got it.

The other started out as a blogging buddy, but quickly transitioned into real life. But we met when he didn't have much of a support system and then, miraculously, beautifully, he did. Having better support, a happier life, not having to hide any longer, it was good. His blogging slowed down. He got busy. He dropped off. I figured, while we would always be buds, he didn't need me as much any longer and had moved on. Truth be told, this happens to me a lot. People are drawn to me because I handle the not-so-happy times well. Then, when the happy times return, I am often a reminder of the not-so-happy times and get left behind for the new world, new life, new friends. Sad, but hardly indefensible. I really got it.

As much as I hate to admit it, I got it so much and to such a degree that I didn't work too hard to check in with them, make sure all was well, see beyond the surface. Because being my friend had gotten tiring. Because he didn't need me the same way he once had. So yeah, I sent a few emails, a couple cards, but when met with silence, I let them go. Figured it was about me. There had already been enough drama. I didn't want to be that friend who has drama, and is needy and insecure, too.

Then, they both got back in touch. *sigh*

They hadn't dropped off for happy reasons. They hadn't dropped off because of me. Life had gotten shitty and I'd made assumptions. Yes, it made sense for me not ask if everything was okay. Again, on their surfaces, both of these wonderful people were okay. But wow, not so much.

So, you've all been warned. From here on out, I am going to risk coming off as the friend who doesn't get it, who can't take the hint. From here on out, you are going to have to say "Pobble, I'm fine; it's you." Okay, maybe not that, exactly, but you get the idea. Because my friends ~ and if you are reading this, you count, if I know you're there or not ~ are worth a little digging, a little nagging, a little reminding that you aren't in it alone, any more than you've ever let me be in it alone. Face it; you're stuck with me.

And to those two friends, I'm sorry. I love you. Thanks for reaching out again. You're stuck with me, too. :)

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.


neo-prodigy said...

I've come to learn that often some people are you in your life for a season, and some are your life for a reason. Sometimes both.

Often it's more fate than anything else.

Oh and again. You're stuck with me. ;-)

BostonPobble said...

Neo-Prodigy ~ Glad to hear (although I knew it anyway *wink*).