Thursday, October 03, 2013

A Matter of Style

I've had a couple conversations recently about engagement. Not the happy, we're getting married, kind, but the interacting with assholes kind. Believe me, I would much rather have had the former. However...

Interestingly enough, in all of these conversations, nonaggression (my style) has been conflated with "nice." Wow, is this a mistake. A friend of mine even said that he is often called in to shut someone down when nice didn't work, so he understands and respects my style. Offered to engage Robin the Troll for me. What intrigued me about his offer is that I have friends who ask the same thing of me, knowing my style. Now, this is not to call him out (*waves hi*), not only because his offer was well meaning and respectful, but it is to point out that we, as a society, do tend to conflate nonaggression with nice. Let me assure you, though, that once you have been on the receiving end of my nonaggression, you won't make that mistake twice.

Now, don't misunderstand ~ I, too, understand and respect a different style. One that is aggressive. One that is in your face. (Admittedly, I do not, and never will, understand name calling. It is infinitely counter-productive, inherently abusive, and demeaning, both to the recipient and to the speaker. Still, there are innumerable ways to be aggressive and in your face without resorting to name calling and those I respect.)

As for me, though, I don't hit my caps lock key. I don't use exclamation points. I don't call names or tell people to sit down and shut up. On the rare occasions I use italics, it's as a way of saying "this is an important part; listen closely", not as a way of expressing my own emotions. I am not nice. I will take you down. I don't need to tell you to sit down and shut up, because that will be your response ~ to my very nonaggressive shut down of your sad, misguided point.

I don't need someone to come in and close for me. I don't need anyone to come in and "show (me) how it's done." Trust and believe ~ I got this. In fact, if you need a closer, let me know.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.