Saturday, April 19, 2014

3 AM Hauntings

The other day, Lithus and I were talking about 3 AM hauntings. You know, the memories, replays, tapes and videos we all have in our heads that we are convinced are behind us ~ until they suddenly rear their ugly heads somewhere in the darkest of the night and keep us awake. They are different for everyone, but my experience is they tend to fall into one of two categories: The Worry and The Unchangeable Past. 

The Worry tends to be the thing that is current. Having enough money to pay the bills. A health concern. A troubled/sick child. A decision that needs to be made, but you really just want to avoid. At the same time, it doesn't have to be that important. It can be far more mundane than that. As recently it was for me: by choosing to be flexible this time, did Lithus and I just shoot ourselves in the foot for all the times to come? What if we had? What if we were able to see that this one situation was different, but no one else was and expected this to be the way it works from here on out? What if we had just set a precedent that we hadn't intended? What if being reasonably conciliatory was about to bite us in the ass? Because nothing is mundane at 3 AM.


The Unchangeable Past is, as the name indicates, dwelling on something that happened so long ago as to be a nonevent ~ except to you...unexpectedly...about 3 AM. These grab your stomach, or your throat, or your head, depending on where you carry regret, and don't let go. My first one of these was around a wedding. It took me 20 years to get past it being a Haunting. My current one is about a night out with a friend ~ the only night out she and I have ever had, sadly (and perhaps not coincidentally) ~ where I embarrassed myself when not only should I have known better, but I did know better. When Lithus once asked me why I don't talk with the friend about it, I had to laugh and explain it was almost 10 years ago, now. That ship has sailed. The good news is I figure I'm about halfway to that night no longer being a 3 AM Haunting...


But the reason I'm writing this is what surprised me the most ~ that just about everyone else does this, too. See, I knew most people dealt with The Worry. I had no idea how many people lock onto something out of their past ~ sometimes their very long ago past ~ and chew on it at 3 AM. Because since that initial conversation with Lithus, I've asked around. Other people do this too! This is not just the Pobble's brain being torturous. 

Now, this commonality of The Unchangeable Past probably won't make mine go away any sooner, or make me any happier about it when it comes up. It does, however, make it a little easier to know I'm not alone. Maybe we should form a club...

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.


Anonymous said...

The two of them have had me so bound up for the last couple of months it's crazy. I'm practicing letting go. But it's a challenge.

BostonPobble said...

Ah So and So ~ Why am I not surprised to learn you are a part of this shitty club, too? *hugs*