Since my post on the difference between showing concern and lecturing me seemed to cause some trauma for my readers, let me explain a bit.
First, if I vent about it here, it's not directed at my regular readers. Know that. It's not about you. I promise. This is my little corner to vent the things that aren't worth dealing with in real life, for whatever reason, but that I really need to say somewhere. Posting a problem with one of my regular readers here and not addressing in person is too passive-aggressive for my tastes, leaving readers to wonder "OMG, is that about me?" and I have no desire to do that. Nope. It won't be.
Second, here's what happened...a friend of mine ~ not a good friend, not an overly close friend, certainly not one of the ten people "mentioned above" (because I left out Pharmyard so she makes ten), yet a friend, nonetheless and one I thought knew me pretty well ~ was asking about Lionel and Daisy and their health. I informed him that I was preparing myself for Daisy's check-up next week to not go well and for me to have to put her down. That I was sincerely hoping the vet would say "This baby's got several more months in her" however, I was preparing myself for the alternative. So he asked about Lionel. To which I replied that I have made the very difficult decision that, should I have to put Daisy down, I will put him down as well. He has never been without her. He will not understand where she's gone. He is also 14 himself. My faith is strong enough that, for me, this is allowing them to continue to be together, just somewhere else. At which point, he starts talking about the fact that I need to remember I can't put them down just because they are getting older. Okay... I remind him I adopted them as senior dogs and knew what I was getting into. At which point, he asks if Lithus likes dogs. Well, no, Lithus isn't an animal person. And this "friend" says "Well, you shouldn't be letting him influence your decision." Wait. What? At what point did that even enter into the conversation????? Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about these babies! Then he starts talking, on and on, about how I need to be on the lookout for changing myself for Lithus. When did this become a conversation about my relationship with Lithus? My nearest and dearest ~ those people mentioned in the other post ~ like very much who he and I are together and think our relationship is great for me. Who the hell is this guy to be lecturing me about not changing myself? And when I have ever given any indication that I am willing to change myself at a core level ~ like being willing to kill my dogs ~ for anyone?????? It crossed a line and went too far.
I have issues. Don't get me wrong. I can point to the baggage and tell you what's mine and where it comes from. That being said, sense of self is not one of my issues and to be lectured about it and accused of being willing to kill my dogs just to make another person happy... Words cannot discribe how pissed I was. Or how much I wanted to say to him Just Shut The Fuck Up.
Instead, I said it to y'all. And, yes, have re-evaluated this friendship, as well.
Those are Pobble Thoughts and a Pobble Explanation. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
10 comments:
You are a special soul my friend. Peace.
Okay, let me get this staight. This person thinks you were going to kill your BABIES! for a man?! I know Lithus is a very special person to you and you would do anything for him, but when people say or feel that truly (this does not include the multitude of people who do commit murder in the name of love the real feeling going on there is very, very different from love) it does not include murder. I also don't think that he would ever ask you to do that. Besides, where has this so called friend been the last 6 months to a year while you agonized over vet visits wondering what was going to be wrong with them next and what hurdles were you going to have to go through to get them well. If you can't tell Pobble I am speaking very slowly And enunciating very clearly at this moment. It's a good thing I don't know who this is right now and that I wasn't there at the time. I am usually like the ocean at rest...but even the ocean erupts sometimes.
Actually, resigning yourself to the idea that in order to make sure your babies stay happy, you might have to let them both go is about the most selfLESS thing you could do. It would be selfish if you allowed one of them to linger and spend hours pacing the house looking for his/her soul mate, which is what they are to each other. It would be about YOU and how YOU feel about losing them. Since that isn't you...AT ALL... I can't imagine a more difficult and selfless act than allowing them to be together.
Never once have you even mentioned to me that Lithius isn't an animal person. That says to me that his feelings play no part in this decision. It never occured to you to speak about it, so how could he be manipulating the situation in any way?
I am furious. Honestly.
PS:
Casey, my oldest puppy, was sick last week. Turned out to be an intestinal infection, but I agonized about what might happen at the vet. The worst thing about it was that it cost me 200 bucks, lol. I know that fear, my friend. I honestly do.
Traci ~ Thank you.
Pharmyard ~ Yeah, you understood this completely. And you are also right in that Lithus Has Not and Would Not even suggest such a thing. While I can love a non-animal person (hell, I'm one myself to a degree), I wouldn't love him if he would ask that of me! And I don't know, it happens rarely enough that it might have been fun for you to be there. lol
Jaded ~ Thanks for the white charger and blazing sword. I really appreciate your support and understanding of me. Glad to hear your baby is okay.
Some things your friend should know about coffee.
From Turkey: It should be black as Hell, strong as death and sweet as love.
From Elliot the Deer in Open Season: "It's terrible and wonderful at the same time! It's like freedom in a cup!"
The same could be said for coffee people. Coffee people are just... working on a different level that others don't always get.
GOML! ~ Ooooo! Can I blame *every* exchange where someone and I disagree on the fact that I'm a coffee person? I LIKE it! >:)
Hi Pobble
No explanations were ever needed here...
Oh, poor Daisy, poor Lionel, POOR YOU! What a heartbreaking decision for you to make and how dare someone question it. I have to agree with Jaded. Letting Lionel go at the same time as Daisy would be best for all involved. But still, what a sad decision for you to have to make and for shame on your "friend" for turning it into an opportunity to lecture rather than an opportunity to provide whatever comfort can be given at such a time.
Having said that - the babies and I are sending as many warm fuzzies as we can as Daisy's vet appointment approaches. I hope she has many more happy and (relatively) healthy months with you (keeping in mind I know what it's like dealing with an aging and ailing pet).
Love you!
Sorry about your doggies. Vent away. These decisions are tough, at best. We had a young, formerly gregarious cat that hid under the bed for an entire year after her best friend was put down - only came out to eat and poop.
I'm sending good thoughts your way.
I think that person has no idea what it takes to make those decisions- the heartfelt thinking process, soulsearching, heartbreak. I wish you the best and send you hugs and comfort in your grief.
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