Friday, March 06, 2015

My Own Personal M.O.

Generally speaking, I'm pretty damn self-aware. So none of this surprises me. However, every now and then, stuff gets right up in my face. When that happens, I am amused at how really consistent I am, regardless of the specific situation.

1. I have a lot of questions ~ at first. When I am going into something new, I don't float well. I don't wait and see well. I want to know what's happening, what are the expectations of me, what expectations should I have, HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK DAMMIT! And I want to know this about any big, new thing. 

When a new relationship would get serious ~ how often will I call? how often will he call? are we at a daily thing? what about a weekly thing? morning and night? 
A new job ~ when exactly does it start? when exactly do I get paid? what are my editors' expectations? what tone, voice, and word count? what do they have in their heads that they are looking for me to recreate?
Lithus gets a new job ~ when does it start? what is his pay? when will it come? what are the variables? is there a schedule?

Here's the other shoe, though: once I have my feet under me, I can disappear. I can become so settled and confident that I look like I don't care. There can be total radio silence, and I'm okay with that. Because I have a sense of what I can expect. But until my questions are answered, yeah, I'm a bit of a mess and I know this.

2. Once I love someone, unless there is a falling out, I will always love them. Now, if there's a falling out, I make no promises, But if it's just time, distance, and falling out of touch? Nope. If I loved you once, I love you now.

I've recently been texting with an old friend. Someone I used to like and love and consider my family. We haven't seen each other in at least 10 years, maybe longer. We are in sporadic touch via text and email ~ and "sporadic" is being generous. The truth is that he and I don't know each other any longer. I have no idea if I like this man or not. Nor does he have any reason (to my knowledge) to know if he likes me or not.

But the fact is ~ I love him. I love him as much as when we saw each other daily. As much as when we were chatting from Colorado to the east coast because he was working nights and the time difference made it perfect. As much as I always have. 

Because once I love you, if I still know you or not, if I still know if I like you or not, is kind of irrelevant.

3. I like closure. And not just in the obvious ways where someone pulls me into a big situation and then forgets to tell me how it turned out.

I like when someone I've been working on one piece of a project comes back when it's completely over and lets me know that the whole thing came together well. Or didn't. Or whatever. So much so that I have to remember most people really don't care. When I've been emailing and phone calling with someone over a situation, once they pass it along to the next level, I really don't need to email them when it finally resolved ~ but I LOVE it when someone comes back to me and says "hey, this got resolved finally." 

I like knowing about the young man who was our banker in Spokane. I wonder if he ever finished school and made it to the UAE as a fire fighter, the way he was hoping. 

Little things that other people don't care about, so don't think to tell me about, but that I will be curious about...forever.

Again, none of it is a surprise. All of it is very, very current right now.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.