Sunday, September 08, 2013

Control Freak

I am a (somewhat) recovering Type A personality. An old friend of mine and I used to say we weren't at all control freaks ~ so long as you could do it as well as we could. If we could trust that, we would happily sit back and let you do it. Otherwise, get out of our way. Now, I am...better. But not perfect. So not perfect. 

When people I love make bad choices, or unhealthy choices, or self-destructive choices, it breaks my heart. There is a degree of angst. Absolutely. But eventually, I step back. Let them be the adults they are. Disconnect just enough to keep me sane, and try to maintain the friendship, and let go of control. Their lives are not actually about me, after all. I've gotten good at it over the years.

You know when I still get into trouble, though? It isn't when someone is doing something differently than I would. It isn't when someone is making different choices than I would. It's when it is out of everyone's control. That's when I get stressed and anxious and spun up.

I have some friends who are hurting right now. Legal issues. Unemployment. Injuries. Without telling stories that aren't mine to tell, trust when I say my friends are doing it right. They are making the right decisions and doing the right things ~ and it doesn't seem to be mattering.

And this is when I get spun up. 

Who do I need to talk to? What department is in charge of Universal Fairness today? Which middle manager has this on their desk? Point me in the right direction and let me Fix It.

Only...there's nothing. I can't make the legal system work the way its supposed to. I can't make an entire unit not be laid off. I can't make that woman not run the red light. Hell, I can barely make dinner, let alone make the Universe just.

So, I breathe. And try not to make it about me, because it's really not. And I support my friends as best I can. And I continue to remind myself that I am, after all, a recovering Type A personality and let the world play out the way it will.

But I don't have to be happy about it. ;)

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.