The Pobble is back and feeling much better after a really lousy day yesterday. My not-ex-friend came over last night. We talked and ate Italian food and played cards in front of the fire and by the time he left, I felt like myself again. It's good to have friends.
That fine line is one I have always tried to walk. That one between allowing myself to feel emotions ~ even, especially, the icky ones that don't feel good and make me want to curl up and disappear ~ and not wallowing in those same emotions and letting them sink me into an abyss. Maybe it's because I am older. Maybe wiser. Maybe healthier. Or perhaps, just more jaded. Whatever it is (a combination of all of those things?) I know it's an easier line to walk than it used to be. While I don't have to hide from the negative feelings, I don't have to let them control the next several days of my life either. It's a nice gift to have given myself after so long.
While I was in Texas, the Duck and I talked a lot. She doesn't have a friend down there she can say anything to. While I was there she did, though, and so I did a lot of listening. I found myself wanting to be able to give her this gift. This gift of balance. Of feeling but not letting it consume you. Of not having to pretend everything is just fine, really when the exact opposite is the truth. Unfortunately, this is not a gift you can give, like a book or a day at the spa. This is a gift we each have to learn for ourselves. My wanting it to be easy doesn't make it so. God knows it wasn't easy for me to learn it.
However, if I had my way, it is the gift I would give everyone this holiday season. The gift of feeling AND perspective. The gift of realizing our own self-worth and that one bad day ~ or one person's perspective ~ doesn't make that any less. I want that for the people I love. For the people I don't love. For the people I don't even know. Until then, I will keep walking that thin line myself (and falling off of it occasionally, I'm sure ~ pobody's nerfect) and listening to those people who have honored me by choosing me to listen.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
7 comments:
I think you do great.
I wondered where you were at--I'm happy to see you again, and wish you were more solidly happy at the moment, too. *hugs*
Ah, Ms. Pobble...I can't wait to sit and have a cup of coffee with you in person. What is your itinerary whilst in NJ? Wanna come to the Jaded manse for a day? You can meet Jadette and see how awfully cute she is in person!
mgh, often times she's mine! and if i have this gift it's because of her.
I was just looking at your blog again, and Jadette is right next to me. She saw your little pet, Ralph, and she LOVES it! She did the sign for bird, then she said "EeeEee" which is her version of Tweet Tweet.
Thanks for the cute little birdie. It made Jadette laugh!
I like your birdie, too! I play with her a little bit every time I visit.
I just wanted to let you know there's no reason to cringe, and certainly none to apologize. I was weirded out, but in a pleasant way--put a little strut in my walk. :-)
Walking a fine line.......
How frequently I've walked that fine line...... it becomes an art to be able to, once you've fallen...get right back up again and start all over again.
It should get easier as we become older and wiser but that is not always the case. Sometimes, life just unexpectedly throws a curve ball. It's at these times that we need/want those we care about to maybe just listen.
I think the secret is being able to admit to ourselves that we have once again become vulnerable.
I accept self worth as a gift. That's something that everyone needs.
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