"Cancer Patient" Shouldn't Be a Costume

As many of you probably remember, back last spring, my Dear One's cousin, RJ, was diagnosed with cancer. He was given 3 weeks to live. (For those of you newer than that to this blog, RJ is only 12.) The reason you haven't heard more about is he is still around. Take that, doctors!

Yesterday, my Dear One called me. It's coming and it's coming soon. The doctors are now saying we are anywhere from days to hours. Being Southerners, the family is gathering. My Dear One has taken a couple days off from work. There is lots of making each other crazy, laughing, crying, arguing and watching RJ sleep. As my Dear One puts it "When he is awake, he's just waiting to go back to sleep."

Until tonight. When this amazingly strong young man decided he wanted to go trick or treating. So they piled him into the RV that the hospital has provided and are taking him trick or treating. No costume. No makeup. No plan. Just him. I hope he gets more candy than a dozen healthy children with long lives ahead of them could possibly eat. So does he.

I'll keep you posted. In just a few minutes, I'm going into ritual for Samhain and will let Daddy know RJ is probably on his way. Usually, I consider Samhain a night to simply honor my dead. I ask nothing of them. I treat them as the guests of honor at their very own party. But even sometimes, at their very own parties, you have to pull the honored guest aside and say "Hey, I need to talk to you about something..." So tonight, I will do just that with my Daddy. He'd sigh at me and give me a very long lecture if I didn't so I might as well.

Blessed Be.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Catching Up

The entire time I've been living under a rock, I was also blogging. In my head. I have been witty, insightful and sometimes even thought-provoking. Here are some snippets from some of the blogs I have written for myself. They probably aren't witty, insightful or terribly thought-provoking because they are, afterall, snippets. But trust me, they were really good originally.

The book...
...is Business Words You Should Know by Dr. H. Dean McKay and P.T. Shank. Its scheduled release date is summer of '07. It is done and my life is my own again. Now, it is time to get back to my novel. Which carries a deadline of January 3rd. And start the new project with the FAEE. Hmmm...maybe my life isn't my own again...

The new job...
Imagine if you will, a house...Occupied by eight teenage girls. Sharing two bathrooms. Now ~ imagine they all come to the house with criminal records. And most of them have been in the system since they were about 12. It's interesting. Tiddly pom, tiddly pom...I stay in my secretarial bubble.

My driving speed...
...is directly proportionate to the speed of the music playing on the radio, my general mood...and the height of my heels???? The first two are pretty typical. The last one, I confess, was a startling realization.

The weddings...
...are over. Everybody's married off. Some thoughts though ~

• models tend to be about 5'8" and a size 2. What looks stunningly beautiful on them very well might make your Girlfriends look like short, fat, burgundy cows in dyed to match shoes.
• dyed to match shoes are never a good idea.
• the final fitting of a dress should not occur in the bathroom of a bar. Ever.
• if your maid of honor can carry gum, her lipstick and your lipgloss in the cleavage of her bodice, the dress does not fit. This is why final fittings should not take place in the bathroom of a bar. Ever.
• we love Nemeria. Even more than we have for the last 28 years.

And finally...

Just so you don't think it's been all bad, the (stone cold sober) Pobble at bachelorette parties:

As Angry Girlfriend's sister said "Having Pobble around is like having lots of friends!"



Drag show. 'Nuff said.


Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Tra-La-La

Done, Done, Done...I am Done, Done, Done

Tra-La-La-La

I'm DONE! Six months of hell and I'm DONE!

Here's my acknowledgements page:

Many people helped me, P.T. Shank, make this book happen. Specifically, I would like to thank H. Dean McKay for his business acumen; the Grill Master and the Divine M, as always; Graziella for laundry, dinners, flowers and generally being an amazing friend; P.C. for his patience, humor and being awake long after most people have gone to bed; the FAEE, who saw me through the beginning of it; Lithus, who saw me through the end of it; and all my friends – both real and cyber – who understood and still love me.

In case you missed it, ya'll are those cyber friends I mentioned. ;)

I'm done.

Tra-La-La...

Those would be Pobble Thoughts if I could think any longer... That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Really Great Feelings

I realized I have used the blog as a way to vent some crap recently and haven't exactly been upbeat. So be it. It's my blog and I'll write what the hell I want. That being said, it hasn't been all bad and stressful. Therefore, I thought I would take a moment and share just a handful of the good stuff, too. Goddess knows y'all deserve to hear this stuff, too.

1. Remembering you have cookie dough in your refrigerator.

2. Finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket.

3. Hearing the phrases "Of course you've been out of touch. Don't worry about it. I'll be here when the book is written."

4. Splurging on half and half instead of milk in your coffee.

5. Realizing your size 14 clothes really are just too big.

6. Getting a message from a friend in Florida just because he wanted to hear your voice.

7. Having a great time at bachelorette parties stone cold sober.

8. Sending your emergency contact the name and phone number of someone who deserves to know if something bad happens.

9. Being the woman/friend the player can relax and be himself around.

10. Knowing your place in the Universe and being comfortable there.


Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Uh-Oh...

"I don't want any plastics and I don't want any ground floors..."

I could be in trouble here.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Lovely and Scary, Both

Um...if you haven't read the post previous to this one, do so. Otherwise, this will make no sense at all. Go ahead. I'll wait.

You back?

I spent an hour on the phone with Lithus. The firefighting pilot. Because when he IMed me earlier tonight asking how I was, I asked if he wanted the truth or me to say "fine, thanks." And he wanted the truth. So I told him. His response? "Give me your phone number so I don't have to look for it. I'm calling you."

Damned if he didn't just listen. Damned if he didn't just let me be not okay and just sat there with me while I wasn't completely okay and perky and happy and typically Pobblish. Okay, yeah. This is me. Which means I didn't just break down and weep. (Intimacy issues!!!!) I didn't let him hear all the tired and built up pain. But I let him hear some of it. Hell, I even teared up and didn't try (too hard) to hide it. And you know what? He listened. No pep talks. No telling me how tired he was. And only a quick attempt at fixing. An hour later, I'm feeling better.

Don't fool yourself ~ that scares the shit out of me. But you knew that already, didn't you? ;) roflmao

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

Just Listen

First, I am really, really okay. Seriously. I am also so tired and overwhelmed I want to weep. These two things are not mutually exclusive. But my friends act as if they are sometimes. And I feel so damn ungrateful for even thinking this, let alone writing it here. As you know, my friends are the greatest ever. They are my family. Yet ~

If I say this to some of my friends, I'll get a pep talk. I don't need a pep talk. I know I'm strong. I know everything will be okay. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and do realize it's not a train.

If I say this to other friends, they will launch into how they understand because of how tired and overwhelmed they are. You want the God's honest truth? I really don't care. I only have the energy for my own tired and overwhelmed-ness right now. Tomorrow I will care again. Today, not so much.

If I say this to other friends, they will try to fix it. Unless you have a Ministry of Magic approved Time Turner (Harry Potter reference, for the uninitiated), there is no fix. All I can do is slog through until the 21st and get it all done. And I'm okay with that. Listening to people suggest things that aren't going to be helpful as they try to fix ~ not so okay with that.

It is, however, very difficult to find someone willing to just listen, just sit with the tired and overwhelmed for a few moments. Because it's been a bitch of a three months and a not particularly fun six months total. The book I abhor and am stressing over; the ever lovely biofamily; anniversaries; new jobs; old memories; three weddings...and always the stress of a book I have no business being involved with hanging over my head. Not a lot of fun. So I am tired enough to want to weep. To want to turn it over to someone else for an evening. I promise, I'll take it back after I get a little break. Just a little one.

However, since that person doesn't exist right now, I'll take you just listening instead. Because I really, really am really, really okay. It's just been a long three months and I don't mean to be ungrateful.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.