First, I am really, really okay. Seriously. I am also so tired and overwhelmed I want to weep. These two things are not mutually exclusive. But my friends act as if they are sometimes. And I feel so damn ungrateful for even thinking this, let alone writing it here. As you know, my friends are the greatest ever. They are my family. Yet ~
If I say this to some of my friends, I'll get a pep talk. I don't need a pep talk. I know I'm strong. I know everything will be okay. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and do realize it's not a train.
If I say this to other friends, they will launch into how they understand because of how tired and overwhelmed they are. You want the God's honest truth? I really don't care. I only have the energy for my own tired and overwhelmed-ness right now. Tomorrow I will care again. Today, not so much.
If I say this to other friends, they will try to fix it. Unless you have a Ministry of Magic approved Time Turner (Harry Potter reference, for the uninitiated), there is no fix. All I can do is slog through until the 21st and get it all done. And I'm okay with that. Listening to people suggest things that aren't going to be helpful as they try to fix ~ not so okay with that.
It is, however, very difficult to find someone willing to just listen, just sit with the tired and overwhelmed for a few moments. Because it's been a bitch of a three months and a not particularly fun six months total. The book I abhor and am stressing over; the ever lovely biofamily; anniversaries; new jobs; old memories; three weddings...and always the stress of a book I have no business being involved with hanging over my head. Not a lot of fun. So I am tired enough to want to weep. To want to turn it over to someone else for an evening. I promise, I'll take it back after I get a little break. Just a little one.
However, since that person doesn't exist right now, I'll take you just listening instead. Because I really, really am really, really okay. It's just been a long three months and I don't mean to be ungrateful.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
3 comments:
I read this earlier, and sat on it, til now. I'm sorry you're wiped out, but I did like the honesty and rawness of the sentiments you expressed here.
I don't think I've ever worked as hard as you are now, for any length of time.
Okay.
Well, you know where the G-Force shoe is that I gave you...put it on when you're ready. I'm gonna go watch Cpt Herlock now.
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