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Saturday, September 02, 2006

Only the Pobble

So, my landlord, Bolger, and I went out tonight. The vodka was flowing quite freely (you've been warned) and the dance music was great. I met D and T. D is great. T is great, too, but pretends to be straight, even though he was hanging out on a Friday night at a gay club. You do the math.

Before we ordered our first drink, I asked Bolger if I was there as a female friend or a fag hag (with thanks to Hikaru for helping me explain the difference) and we established that I was there as a hag. We were set; we each knew our place; and the evening was on!

Anyway ~ I managed to attract the only straight man in the whole place. Admittedly, my defenses were down. I don't usually have to keep my guard up when I go to gay clubs. I can flirt and dance and grind with the best of them and it rapidly becomes obvious that I know exactly where I am and that I just want to dance. So, I was doing so.

It was cool while he was biting my shoulder. This so doesn't phase me. It was even cool when he kissed me. I broke the kiss and went back to dancing with Bolger. Truth be told, it was even cool when he cupped my breasts. This happens sometimes. I simply moved his hands away. Then Bolger went to the restroom. At which point, CreepyBoy grabbed at my crotch ~ yeah. Not so cool anymore. So I grabbed onto D and we danced like we were having sex right there on the floor ~ while he shot dirty looks over my shoulder at CreepyBoy that practically screamed "She's my bitch so back the hell off."

As we staggered back to my place we laughed our asses off. Poor CreepyBoy. Next time maybe he'll realize he's in the wrong place.

This doesn't happen to other hags. Really. It doesn't. At least, not that they've ever told me.

Those are (drunken) Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee, but I recommend water at this point.

13 comments:

christine mtm said...

oh, i remember getting hit on at a gay bar. and my gay friend shooting me incredibly dirty looks.

Jaded said...

I always get accosted by big, scary lesbians in gay bars. I don't have any issues with lesbians, but I DO have issues with ANYONE, male or female, trapping me in a bathroom for less than appropriate reasons. It's happened to me about 10 times over the years and it's always a woman who could kick my ass all over the place. Luckily, some of my gay friends are very large, masculine men, so they take care of me. It's my hairdresser who always seems to meet the one straight guy in the place, which sucks, 'cause he's gay.

My word id: enjoysu

ZooooM said...

Now I'm afraid I was too drunk to realize if/when this ever happened to me or not?! Chances are, it didn't. I'm usually the one that while in general population bars gets hit on by the guy who hits on EVERYONE.

Once my girl pals and I were dancing the drunk dance in an LA club, and this boy walked up to each and every one of us - without saying a word - held our heads in his hands and planted a smooch on the lips (non threatening, no slobber action), and then walked off without another word. I wish someone had a camera to catch the looks on our faces.

dondon009 said...

Well now, my dear...... the poor fool was probably making certain you weren't a transvestite (?)!

Seriously now, you need to watch out for those straight boys.

Although I tend to use the term "fag hag" when it applies to women I don't know in gay bars, I just can't seem to be able to call any of my lady friends hags.... You can be my "fag diva"!

Rose said...

It's good to read that someone is having fun. I mean gay clubs are the best places to party. That is unless someone like CreepyBoy ruin the fun.

Spider Girl said...

I 've found that gay bars are the best places to party too, although I haven't been to one in a while.

One time I just HAD to dance with this one person JUST to figure out if they were boy or girl.

Jaded said...

I sent you an email about directions to the house on Friday. I haven't heard anything, so I'm just making sure you got it. Jadette and I will be headed up the Atlantic City Expressway, so I need the directions from there.

Yay!

Aisha T. said...

Wow! I always told my straight guy friends to go to a gay bar to pick up chicks. No competition and plenty of pretty girls with their guards let down. I've actually met a lot of great guys in gay/gay friendly places (including my current boyfriend who I met on Fire Island--he's a carpenter there!) None of male friends ever believe me and I don't think they would have the audacity to crotch grab. I would have crotch kicked at that point.

Dreamer said...

Excuse me for not knowing but "Fag Hag" and "Fag Diva" are not words I'm familiar with...

Dreamer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kimber said...

Remember, people: Crotch grabs are never cool.

I miss dancing in gay bars! There isn't a decent bar, gay, straight or otherwise, within 100 miles of my current location..... I guess I'll just have to turn up the stereo and pretend. Again. *sigh*

Lori Stewart Weidert said...

You have to wonder if that crotch-grabbing move ever works for that guy. Will he just work the room until he finds a bimbo that thinks that's romantic?! God. I hope not.

Blue Dog Art said...

Hmm...that is bizarre. Way to handle the situation though.