P. C. is hurting. If boys are stupid, girls are crazy. And he can pretend he's not upset all he wants to ~ as I told him last night, I saw the expression on his face when he got off the phone. At one point, I just wrapped my arms around him, kissed the top of his head (the patented Pobble Panacea when nothing can fix, help or remedy a situation) and said "Oh my dear friend."
His response was to stiffen and say "Don't pity me."
The vehemence of my response surprised me. See, I find pity an incredibly insulting and disrespectful emotion. I cannot respect someone I pity. I cannot feel respected by someone who pities me. Yet, I hurt with my friends when they are hurting and I appreciate when my friends hurt with me when I am hurting.
After my short, if empassioned, diatribe, he relaxed again, put his head on my shoulder and said "Okay, I'll take your compassion."
And so many cogs fell into place for me. For thirteen years, I worked human services with some truly desperate clients. Something in me always resented some of the volunteers but not others. For my entire adult life, I have worked with teenagers, trying to teach them to be gentle with each other (no mean feat if you remember the politics of teen years.) Some, I knew got it ~ others just didn't somehow, eventhough every other adult thought they had. The word I have always used was "respect" though that wasn't quite right either. I intuitively knew what I wanted to express; I just couldn't find the right words.
However, P. C., in his frustration and hurt, got the semantics in one. He handed me the words I have always searched for without being able to fully express: compassion v. pity. Is it any wonder I hurt for and with my friend but would never pity him?
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
5 comments:
I think your friend hit the nail on the head as very few people should be pitied (and maybe nobody at all).
But at various times, we could all use a little compassion.
And high schoolers more than most because they can be brutal little beasts.
I like this. I need one for when people say to me "Don't patronize me." But it isn't the thing I'm trying to convey. I need a patronize v. _______________.
Sometimes I diffuse the situation by saying "Patronize? I'm your patron? What? What are you talking about." Usually wins me no points. As usual.
Hi Pobble
A very fine line and often misunderstood, but better than to be without...
Your friend seems to be very understanding. I totally agree with you about compassion. Teens are something. I work with them regularly.
Hey, Amazon just delivered my "TEST WORDS YOU SHOULD KNOW" by P.T.SHANK today.
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