Vaya Con Dios

This has a companion piece, "Closed Doors, Open Windows" so please be sure to take the time to read that one as well once you're done here. Thanks.

A couple times in my blog, I have alluded to the nastiness that the past few years have been. This is a time to release those things, as much as I can.

* My husband and trusted confidant. Be smart. Be safe. Be well. Hopefully one day we can forgive each other.
* Two of my Girlfriends. One, because the move to Nashville has taken and you're really not coming home. The other, because we were foolish and moved in together. You were more important than saving money. I miss you still.
* My mostly companion, CD. For two years you made life bearable from 9-5. Thank you.
* Hobbes. I hope you fill those holes in your soul.
* Mama Bear. My last living grandparent. Please God, I will carry your wisdom and love with me for the rest of my life.
* My ideas of what makes biological family special. This was the hardest to let go. It still hurts sometimes; I won't pretend it doesn't. And we all have to do what we have to do. I can live with sad. At least it doesn't make me feel unworthy any longer.
* Linda. Four years and I'm healthier and happier than I've ever been. And, finally able to deal with all those things.
* My biological sister and biological mother. I am able to release my understanding/expectations/hopes of what it means to be part of your family unit. The rules are different for me. That makes me sadder for you than it does for me, now. And, as I said above, I can live with sad.
* My fella. It was a good year ~ even when it wasn't. I'm glad I know you.
* The job I really, really loved. I'm not angry anymore at being used up.
* Quinn. I'm sorry we had to put you down. I'm sorry you never saw Daddy again. It wasn't supposed to be that way.
* Lynchburg. For a town I hated the entire time I had to be there, to have almost no connection any longer (almost, Cin, almost) is more painful than I had expected. 1977-2005 is a long time to go and not get to say goodbye.

There it all is. It seems so...ordinary...in black and white. But God, it hurt like hell going through it. And grief and loss can't be boiled down to a list. It is what it is for each of us. So I release the pain and hold the love. I am the love, the love is me. As I will, so mote it be.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee. (Now read the companion piece. ;))