This is an interesting time. As I have mentioned previously, I am in three weddings this year. First is Nemeria's this weekend. I spent this morning at Target getting all those things an honor attendant should have with her ~ tiny scissors, emery boards, breath mints, safety pins ~ you get the idea. Angry Girlfriend's wedding is next. I spent the early afternoon designing and picking out invitations for her shower. Finally, last but never least, is my Wonder Twin's wedding. TTG I'm "just" a bridesmaid for that one. I couldn't do right by Wonder Twin's fiancee as her honor attendant.
What makes it interesting, though, isn't the weddings. It's my reaction to the weddings. Over the three or four years since my marriage went sour, several friends have gotten married. I have even been in some of the weddings. And each time, regardless of how I felt about the couple or how strong they were together, I wanted to shake them and scream "Don't do it!"
Until now.
Understand, I still know the statistics. According to the numbers, two of these couples will divorce, will go through the hell I've been through. While I hope that's not the case ~ and don't forsee it ~ those are the stats. However, my change of heart isn't about the stats. It isn't even about the couples themselves. I had the "run" reaction when the Blackbelts got married and they are the strongest couple I know.
The change of heart is about me. My own healing. My own remembering that love can and does exist ~ and is a good thing. Am I racing out and finding a man to marry? Aw hell no. Let's be honest. There's probably a reason the men I like the most on my site are hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away. The difference is I can now be truly, deeply happy for my friends. And I'll take that for now.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
12 comments:
You're the best! What would I do without you? (probably schelp around with broken fingernails and torn hems.)
Can't WAIT to see you!!!!
(BTW: I'm getting married!)
::smiles::
This was a great post. All of them are, but I feel this one a teeny bit more because I've also had the "RUN" gut feeling prior to witnessing one of the strongest marriages I've ever seen.
I'm glad you are healing. Having never experienced first hand the pain of a marriage that went kerbloie, I can't imagine what that feels like. I'd watched quite a few of my own serious relationships die a slow and painful death, but had never been married.
I've only been married for a short time, but already I can tell it's tremendously different from just a live in relatinonship (for me), so I can't even begin to imagine I could deal with it imploding.
Thank you for putting yourself out here like this to your readers.
Hi Pobble
Have you ever wondered why people say they are positive thinkers and yet they always say that 50% of the marriages end in divorce, rather than saying 50% succeed...
Get one of those Tide stain remover pen things too. Don't want any random spots on the bridal gown, nor on the bridesmaids' gowns!
Marriage isn't the fairy tale that we see in the movies or read about in romance novels. It takes work. I think a large number of the divorces are a direct result of people expecting marriage to live up to that fairy tale image. When it doesn't, rather than give it the work it needs, they bail. Certainly there are a large number of divorces that are caused by a whole host of other things, which are the ones that couldn't have been prevented.
Marriage isn't easy. Oh, some days are easier than others, yes. And there are days when I think that if I have to listen to him snore one more time I might just smother him with a pillow. But by and large, it's not really about the fantasy of marriage, it's about the partnership of two individuals. Of course there are times when the other one is on our last nerve. But love is about working through that. At least, that's what I think it's about. I've been married for 10.5 years, so, I guess we've been doing something right.
When I was writing my post today, I thought of you and this post of yours. Click on the link, and go read Meg's post. Seriously.
xoxox
it's better to be glad for others than miserable for yourself and it won't make a fraction of difference to your destiny. Try to laugh at what you can.
Don't forget, in ten years, you'll be one of my bridesmaids. You can't shake me though, I'm a nervous wreck at small public functions, I know I'll probably be a wreck at that one.
I think being in all those wedding is so exciting. I only participated in one outside my own. Most of the folks I know and met were already married.
Growth & revelation can be a powerful and awesome thing!
Great post.....
I have been the Maid of Honor in 2 weddings and a bridesmaid in 4. I have so many dresses it is so sad. I can truly relate to your feelings both ways.
When the time is right, Mr. Right will walk through the door or just be standing on the other side.
Take care,
Mary
A very nice post. Healing is good. Like Jaded said some days are easier than others and it sure isn't a fairytale.
when you find them dont ever let them go
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