First, let me say a big ol' honking Thank You for the support around the episode. Ain't it nice when something like that is small and manageable? And when you've got people who support you through it? Yeah. It doesn't suck. So...thanks. Now ~ to the real reason you stopped by today...
A man I used to know is dying. How's that for a lovely way to start a Sunday Poll Question? As sad as this is, it has gotten me thinking and reminiscing about that time in my life. We weren't friends but he was a dear, dear friend of a dear, dear friend of mine. Because of this, there is no direct grief on my part (this being said, if you want to keep someone in your thoughts, instead of it being me, let it be Tony and the people who did know him, love him and are affected by this. Seriously, I'm okay out here.) But there is pain for my friend and for Speaker, who was also his friend, along with my smiling, melancholy memories. Which brings me to the Sunday Poll Question...
Question ~ Was there a group of people in your life who inadvertently helped create who you are today? Whose influence you didn't even recognize until years later?
Pobble Answer ~ From about the age of 9 or 10 until I 14 or so, I would go visit the Duck in NYC. Sometimes it was for a long weekend. Sometimes it was for a week or more. But these visits took place several times a year. And during these visits, I met the Duck's friends. This man was one of them. These friends of the Duck's were hugely influential, although at the time, I thought they were just cool adults who treated me like one of them. These people took me to my first cabaret shows, my first drag clubs, my first dive bars. They taught me the importance of sitting around with friends and talking and laughing until the wee hours of the mornings. They taught me to eat dinner at midnight and to have dessert first. They taught me to think deeply, not think at all and to love the moment almost as much as you love the people you are sharing it with. Most of them were starving, unknown artists of some kind or another. These were people I wanted to be. They were interesting, exciting and City. They were a taste of something this small town girl didn't think she could ever truly achieve. I was happy just to hang out on the periphery for a few moments. I have reason to believe most of them wouldn't even remember I was there. Some went on to become well-known and famous. Some went on to work steadily in their fields, even if you wouldn't know their names. Some dropped out of NYC and went on to live very different lives than those they were living during the years that I knew them. It has only been within the last five years or so that I came to realize how influential they were to me. As I have started living the life I have always wanted to live, I have also come to realize it is the life the Duck and her friends modeled for me all those years ago. I have achieved what they gave me glimpses of, what they unwittingly taught me I could be. So. This man and I weren't friends. I knew him for a few moments a very long time ago and nothing more. He was, however, part of a group that taught me more than any of us realized at the time. I will be forever grateful.
Your answer...
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
12 comments:
I'm glad the noise is quiet again, and my heart goes out to you, even though you ask for us to send our sympathies to others more directly affected. I'll do as you've requested, but I have more than enough to send to you, too.
For me, it was the staff at the art store where I worked while going to university. They were more than just co-workers; they were friends, compatriots, family. They influenced me in strange and marvelous ways, which I only now am coming to appreciate. Because everyone worked there while going to school, we scattered to the four corners of the world once our degrees were finished, but I think of them all often, miss them greatly, and sometimes long for the simplicity of congregating after work for a gin & tonic, all of us together again, one last time.
I wish I could say I used to hang out with wonderful people who influenced my being. But I think most of the crowd from the past turned out to be people I didn't like. They were character foils, so to speak, giving me examples of what I didn't want to be. This assumes I am important enough to be a protaganist in my own story, which no one would read because there's not enough sex or violence.
Condolences to you and your friend.
This won't come as any surprise to you, dear Pobble, but it was that group I hung with in Atlanta (and I don't mean my Georgia Tech boys!) - I was too young to really know how to categorize them, but in my memory they hold an honored place as hyper-intellectual-bohemian-yuppies! A friend from massage school took me under her wing and invited me to their parties. I mostly sat in silent awe, just thrilled to be included. My off-beat decorating style (if I ever get beyond the toys-on-the-floor-bills-on-the-counter stage), my love of creative cooking and entertaining, alternative and world music, my passion for philosophy and intellect for its own sake all sprang from those days in Atlanta. Actually, I don't know if this counts for the purposes of this poll, since I've never been unaware of their influence in my life. But this group is really it. There were a lot of people in the group who I don't remember anymore, but two couples primarily held them (me) together during that really tough, influencial time of my life. Both couples are divorced now and I've lost touch with them all years and years ago. It's hard to imagine that I'm as old now (or much older) than they all were then... But Jodi Taylor, if you ever google your own name and stumble upon this blog, I love you still! Thanks!
As you know I love music. Lots of different genera's, but I love it. I especially love soul/funk/jazz type music. I didn't get exposed to this music much till I met my ex and his friends. One of his best friends worked as a sound engenier for the Derek Trucks Band. I'd go with my ex to all the shows when they were in town, so he could hang with his buddy. While doing so, I was exposed to all kinds of musicians that were opening for Derek, in addition to Derek Trucks and his band. They incorporate a lot of world influences in their music and from that point on I managed do dig deep into this kind of music. If it hadn't been for my ex's buddy, whom I haven't spoken to since the spring of 2005. Feels like a lifetime ago. Come to think of it, that specific buddy's girlfriend was the first person to tell me she saw my aura and told me I was a witch. Hmmm...
I started to answer this, but the answer turned out to be blog-length; I will either edit, or counter-blog, linking back to you. Whew. I love
Sunday poll questions!
Wolfgrrrl ~ It sounds like a lovely time and I don't even have but the most minuscule amounts of information. What a lovely experience for you!
GOML! ~ Sometimes, what we learn is who we *don't* want to be. It's just as influential.
Crow ~ Of course! I do remember that group now.
Graziella ~ Having benefited myself from your appreciation of music, I am grateful for your time with them as well. The ripples go on...
GNGirl ~ Feel free to leave blog-length comments here. I look forward to the story, wherever it shows up.
This is not really very far in the past but several years ago, during one of my weekend trips to the Old Pike Homestead, I found myself talking with some friends of my parents outside one of the rentals. It was sunny and gorgeous and I sat down in one of their beach chairs by the side of the road and started talking. It was me and 4 middle-age women. Drinks we passed around, laughter insued. I was there for about 5 hours until I realized it was time to go have dinner. It was one of the most relaxing afternoons in my life. It was a blast. I don't even remember the names of the women but the moment was so unique and yet enduring. It really made me apprecite the idea of living in the moment because it is something I never would have thought I would do and yet I cannot imagine wanting to have done anything else for that afternoon. I was truly saddened when it came to an end.
Good question. I guess it would be a group of friends from college who were seniors when I was a freshman. It was forged from the fact that I was dating one of the guy's sisters at the time, but even after we broke up, I hung around them for the rest of the year and beyond. There's a large difference between freshmen and senior years in college, so I got a different perspective from them and a fair amount shaped the rest of my time at school. It was a fluke meeting, and I am glad for it.
I can't say that there was a person/group of persons who influenced me without my knowing. I've been trying since Sunday afternoon to think of at least one person, but I just can't.
The people who influenced my life the most were close to my side my entire life.
I need to add to this post, because I just became one of the people we've been talking about, and I'm moved to tears. About 3-1/2 years ago, a dear friend asked me to mentor his son (also a dear friend in his own right) who was in the process of exploring his sexuality and discovering he was gay. Now, let's start with how touched I was to be asked by the dad, whom I love and respect immensely, to mentor his son on such a delicate subject. Maybe I was the only bisexual person the dad knew, but since he's a college professor, I doubt it, so it must have been on my own merits, as well as my friendship with his son, that I was chosen. I think Prof. wanted me to help Son be bi rather than gay, in order to keep his options open, but it became quickly clear that Son knew exactly how he felt and had no interest in women. I supported his own understanding of himself and encouraged him to be true to that with integrity, honesty and above all, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Still, we were in the process of getting ready to move west, I had just had Baby #3, and I never felt like I was able to give him the attention he really deserved. We lost touch after the move.
I just got an e-mail from Son saying how grateful he is for my friendship and for my support during that difficult time when he felt very alone. How blessed I am, having just spent time reminiscing about the people who were such wonderful influences on me, to find myself on the other side of the coin. We never know how we'll shape the lives we touch.
Thanks for letting me share this with you! ~Crow
Ok, boo at me for not previewing my post... on re-reading, "help the Son be bi" sounds REALLY smarmy and completely inappropriate. I think Prof. wanted me to encourage Son to consider dating women as well as men. whew. Sorry, folks.
And now I understand, cats... an 8-letter verification that's not even close to a word... too much! hehehe!
Ok, I'm coming back to answer this question. I look back over my life and one thing keeps coming to mind. When I was 19 (married almost a year), I got a job working in a printing factory. A sweatshop. I was exposed to, and worked hand in hand with hard-working women from the ages of 19 to 70. I was most stunned to find out that age does not bring about grace, maturity or wisdom.
One day I sat with these women, and our sack lunches, and listened as they bitched about their husbands. Of an extramarital affair, one said "I'd be plenty pissed, but I sure wouldn't divorce him for it." My jaw dropped as every woman in the circle agreed. Stand by your mans, babies. I NEVER had that mentality; mine was, "someone messes around on you, kick 'em to the curb."
My husband had an affair, when I was 21. We split, and upon time to pay my attorney, I, with these women in mind, told him "last chance." He lamented, "i've been such a shit." My response? You're my husband.
We reunited, and remained married for 6 more years. We have a son. For my son's presence in my life, I bless those women's influence on my life...
Lesson learned: I was right all along. If they mess around on you, kick 'em to the curb.
:-D
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