Today's Pobble Thoughts...
* On my 35th birthday, I gave myself comfort with my body. It was a great gift. The best ever, actually. Suddenly, I didn't have to worry about being a size 8 or size 10. Suddenly, I wasn't a failure every time I gained three pounds and only lost two. Don't get me wrong, I look damn good as a size 10. But I have to work too hard to stay there. If I miss a day of working out or have two high calorie meals in a week, I don't stay a 10. Life is simply too damn short for that, especially when I look damn good as a size 12 or 14 or 16 or 18 as well. Here's the rub ~ I quit smoking in January of last year and went from a size 12 to a size 18. Jumped straight over 14 and 16. Didn't beat myself up because, afterall, I'm allowed to be comfortable with my body. But, what I've learned over the last year (aside from the fact that the quitting smoking didn't stick) is that my body isn't comfortable. My knees hurt; my feet hurt; I tire easily. It's harder to walk up hills and stairs and paint my toenails. And if life is too damn short to live it without ice cream, it's also too damn short to live it in pain. So I'm intentionally losing weight. Not because society tells me I have to. Because my body tells me I have to. And I'll stop when my body tells me I can stop. Not when society tells me so. If that means I stop at a size 12, great. If that means I stop at a size 16, great. And I have and will continue to maintain that, no matter what size I am, if someone doesn't think I'm beautiful and sexy, that's their problem. It's So Not Mine.
* I have two attorneys (is that really how you pluralize "attorney????") Anyway! I have two of them. One does my estate planning. One does my copyright/contract/Pauline Trent stuff. I love them. My will is tight and appsrus actually emailed me back while he was in the UK because I panicked over something. Knowing my legal affairs are in order is the greatest feeling.
* I have been claimed as a fag hag. My still-as-of-yet-monikerless landlord has decided I'm his. I'm quite flattered.
* On the 22nd, I'm getting unpacked. I called my moving company and they are actually coming in and UNpacking me. This is decadent. This is sinful. This is the greatest thing EVER. And I don't care that I'm broke and have no money and am going to have to charge it to my credit card. I'm getting unpacked. That being said...
* I am learning to not spend money. I have always had champagne tastes on a fine wine budget. Now, I have champagne tastes on a dollar-draft-and-nurse-it-all-night budget. It's not a lot of fun. But I'm a writer. Whenever I don't buy something, don't get a manicure, don't go out to eat, I always make it better by thinking "Yeah, but I'm a writer." And I smile and walk right on by the pair of shoes, the salon, the nice restaurant. So am I learning not to spend money? Yeah. Slowly (see above) Do I hate not spending money? Yeah. (I love the quote, "Anyone who says money can't buy happiness doesn't know how to spend it." ~ and before anybody tells me that you have to have inner happiness and all that, I know that; this is a joke.) But you know what? I'm a writer. And I can nurse a lot of beer all night to be able to be a writer. :D
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
5 comments:
You are my hero. It's official.
Merry Christmas, my friend.
Yup, quitting smoking will do that.
I am getting back on the band wagon myself as soon as the holidays pass and the Children return to school. I have learned that I am an emotional eater (stress, depression, excitement, boredom, nervousness, etc). When we are all back into our "real-life" schedules, I will be getting back on the WW band-wagon. Until then, I choose to celebrate..with cake and punch whenever I please.
As a stay-at-home mom with a private-religious-school teacher-husband and 2 little ones, I have learned about the "not spending money" thing. But I do treat myself to a new magazine, nail polish, lip gloss, etc. because I deserve it once in a while and it doesn't break the budget. Be good to you, as I know you always will. You deserve it! And soon, you will be able to buy AND sell all those shoes, salons and fancy restaurants!!!!!
love you--
The One in VA
I am so there with you babe. You're the one who taught me that it doesn't matter if you want to lose 10 lbs, or 100, it's your body and it's yours to decide. It's also about your own comfort, and ice cream, and in my case...french fries. Those salty, golden brown, delicious little bastards. Ummm French Fries.
So I too am headed back to WW on January 2nd. I so don't want to have to face that mean awful scale, but it will only tell me what i know deep down. And i'll deal with it, and feel better about myself and my occasional indulgences in no time. Until then...Vegas baby. Lots of yummy high calorie drinks, and lots of French Fries.
Love,
FAEE
The gift of know who you are and being at peace with it is a beautiful thing. Merry Christmas!
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