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Friday, December 15, 2006

Massholes

In honor of my imminent trek to the Basement and in an attempt to get out of my own head for just a few moments, I offer this:

Drivers in Massachusetts are, not so lovingly, referred to as Massholes. With the holiday season upon us, I thought I might offer up some guidelines for understanding the Massachusetts driver for those of you who might be traveling this way over the next few weeks. Mind you, this is not a defense of Massachusetts drivers. We are indeed crazy. We're just all crazy in the same ways.

1. If you need a foot of space to make a merge, we will give you a foot of space. Do not expect 13 inches.

2. If you need 37 seconds to make a manuvuer, do not expect 38. If you try to take 38, we will throw our hands in the air, step on the gas pedal and blow by you as if it is your fault. Because it is.

3. When traveling on the MassPike, do not go 80 in the left lane. Trust me. All you will do is hold up the traffic behind you and piss us off.

Those are the top three tips for driving in Massachusetts. Because we may be Massholes but at least we're all the same kind of Masshole.

Be safe this season, wherever your travels take you.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.

15 comments:

Graziella said...

This is so surprisingly accurate. Hope you find healing in the basement. Love you.

Dagoth said...

Hi Pobble

"A foot of space" thats being a little generous don't ya think... I was up there a few years back and merging on 128 was definitely a religious experience...and whoever decided there should be a stop sign at the off ramp of two large highways was quite out of their tree...of course all the locals thought I was quite mad because one night I hitchhiked back to my hotel across 128, so there ya go...(got a nice ride from a non-axe-murderer in a pickup truck)...

nRT said...

Here the Boston drivers are truely the worst. I honestly find myself driving differently to my work in Boston vs my home town 20 miles north. You are 100% right on this topic. It doesn't help having Route 128, route 95 and Route 93 all the same in one area! only in Massachusetts, you've got to love it
Have a Happy and safe Holiday...

nRT said...

I can not post on your Depressed post but I wanted you to know:
You have had a tough few months. I hope things get better for you soon. take care of your self and forget about what others think. I have a niece with a mental illness and because no one can see her disability people think she is a spoiled brat instead of a kid who is Autistic. She and many others with problems would get more sympathy if they had one eye or one leg.
take care

2 Dollar Productions said...

OK, I've been trying to leave you comments for the past several posts, but Blogger beta has been eating them and it seems to have finally decided to start working again.

So, in review, I think it's fine to be blue/depressed on occassion and even stranger if this never happens. That being said, I hope things are picking up a little and finally all these driving tips are solid as I'm pondering writing an op-ed to the newspaper down here reminding drivers how to actually drive in Austin.

Some common sense and a clear understanding of the rules of the road would be nice.

dondon009 said...

Remember that in Florida, it's legal to carry guns......

Drive carefully because if we "feel threatened", we can shoot you!

Scary~

DON

ZooooM said...

It's pretty much the same here in CA, but we tend to add "dude" to it either in the front or back of the flailing. And most people do that while talking on their cell phones.

Spider Girl said...

Heh, we call those "Vancouver" drivers 'round here. :)

Rose said...

Those are some good lines to follow to have a safe holiday.../

kimber said...

I read your post to my mother, and it gave us both a laugh. Thanks, Pobble! I hope your basement-time is going smoothly!

Anonymous said...

i've tried to comment several times recently with not much success...tonight it seems to be working and i want you to know i've been here my friend. you've been on my mind.

Rose said...

Merry Christmas to you

nRT said...

Think of you, hope you have a good Holiday Season.

Dagoth said...

Hi Pobble

I hope you have a most Merry Christmas...

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you tonight my dear. I tried to email you today and got a "no such email account exists" message. I hope you are alright. Merry Christmas.

12/25/06