I just received an interesting phone call from my biosister.
BioSis was in an incredibly abusive relationship with JMB from the time she was 17 until she was 28. This was not a nice man. Even after the divorce, JMB continued to be cruel. Twice he tried to kidnap My Heart. The harrassment and threats to my family went on for years. I have literally put my life on the line on two or three occasions to stand between this man and my biosister and her child. My biosister is the reason I became a domestic violence counselor in the first place.
Don't misunderstand me ~ we didn't live in fear or let him terrorize us or anything. The women in my family are made of stronger stuff than that. My father and the SGM were brilliant, too. We took appropriate steps and were smart, not victims. Still, there was always an edge to it. The screen door has always been locked. There has always been a lock on the inside of the bathroom door. My Heart lives in Nevada now and is starting an acting career. The question has been "What happens when JMB sees him?" Things like that.
For me, though, it has been more personal. Before BioSis finally left JMB, I'm the one who gave My Heart ~ at age three, mind you ~ his code word for when it was safe to come out of hiding when JMB would be pounding on the door with a gun before the police arrived. I was the one who talked BioSis into leaving. She came to live with me in CO when JMB tried to kidnap My Heart ~ both times. I'm the one who taught My Heart to yell "This man is not my father" if JMB tried to snatch him off the street. It was a hellish time.
Today we learned JMB is dead. He stopped eating about ten days ago and died surrounded by empty tequila bottles. After 22 years, my biosister and my nephew can stop looking over their shoulders. For the first time in My Heart's enitre life he is free.
I called the Lovely Cats. JMB is the only person I've ever known her to be openly rude to and even then it was only once. Being her, she finally said "It's a sad time." But I told her I don't think it is. There were parts of JMB that didn't totally suck. They were destroyed by anger and pain years ago ~ but they existed at one point. And my faith is such that I believe wholeheartedly that those parts are now free of the anger and pain. I believe wholeheartedly he is at rest and has a peace he never knew on earth. So, if my family is safe, I am able to put down this sword, and JMB is finally at peace ~ I can't quite bring myself to say it's sad.
Mind you, I don't know exactly what I'm feeling. Numb. Shocked. ... ... Glad. I don't know.
I know it's over. Finally.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
13 comments:
Ah, numbness is probably just the beginning.
The fear takes along time to dissolve from things like that.
Wish all the best.
Whoa. Having met JMB (ever tell you of the time JMB and BioSis had dinner with me and Satan Boy?)and hearing your horror stories, I have to second your hope that the "good" part of him - the part he displayed when trying to make a good impression, the part I met - is finally free, just as much as your family. I'm thinking of you, as always. If you happen to speak to BioSis again anytime soon, let her know my thoughts are with her and her son.
Love you.
That is an amzing post. I would thnk that everyone would feel free since his death. But with biosister there was once a love and I'm sure she is confused. I hope otherwise that life for all become stress free and happy and not numbing.
There are some emotions that transcend simple language to express them; the realization that a dark and unhappy presence will no longer casts its shadow over you is a feeling which is too complex to bind up in a single little word. Neither happy nor sad, but certainly a lifted burden.
Peace to you, and to your BioSis, and to Your Heart.
its funny how you can have fond memories of times with a person you are glad has finally died. and yet, i do.
give my love to biosis and your heart. (and keep some for yourself)
I...damn is all I can say...
I'm not sure what to say because...I don't know but damn.
well, I can't believe it's over myself. An enormous weight must have been lifted off of all your shoulders. I can imagine it will take a while to re-equilibrate from that. I am impressed with after all he has done to you and your family that you can see a positiveness for his soul in all of this. I'm not sure I would be able to, and you know how forgiving I am. So, my hat is off to you my friend. Mainly because you are right. This is one of those rare win-win situations. Your family is free of him and he is free of his earthly demons.
I'm semi dealing with a semi similar situation. My own older brother was the bad guy, and he finally defeated his own body through alcohol and drug abuse - but this was about 3 years ago. He has a son, which thank goodness he never tried to hurt, but then he died when his son was only 1. I don't know if he would have inflicted the same kind of pain as this person in your life.
When older brother died, I felt relief. For him as well as all of us who laid in his path of destruction.
Only now, a couple of years later and through visiting with is son do I start to let my own anger fade and remember the good parts of him that DID exist at one time,but as you describe, had been destroyed.
It's a hard thing, because people not knowing the circumstances might expect one to be sad in such a situation (losing a family member). I felt I had to hide my relief.
My heart and best wishes go out to all of you dealing with it.
I am glad your fight is over and "pharmyard said it so well, 'I am impressed with after all he has done to you and your family that you can see a positiveness for his soul in all of this.'
I'm glad you all can sleep better now knowing there will not be a next time.
Peace to you and you family
Hi Pobble
As hard as it may be, I hope you can find Peace and Forgiveness, and not let the memories of fear caused by a very troubled and angry spirit continue to cause damage to your gentle heart.
Hi Pobble
As hard as it may be, I hope you can find Peace and Forgiveness, and not let the memories of fear caused by a very troubled and angry spirit continue to cause damage to your gentle heart.
It will take time for your loved ones to fully understand and accept the fact that there is no longer the need to be afraid....
What a sad legacy when persons who at one time loved you are actually glad you're no longer alive.
My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
It's awful when someone in the family casts a dark shadow over the lives of others.
We have someone in our family like that..and yeah, although you may not want to wish someone dead...it would definitely put some loved one's mind more at ease.
Post a Comment