Here's a thought for you to think... Do monogamy and commitment have to go together? I know for most people they do go together and for those individuals, they may have to. But what about generally? What about outside of your own relationship? If you know of a couple who are not monogamous and that is mutually agreed upon and acceptable to both of them, can you accept them as a committed couple? Are they simply making a choice you wouldn't make in your own relationship the same way they might choose their hometown differently than you? (Which makes a pretty huge assumption about my readers, doesn't it? ;) ) Or do you think there is a problem there? Is one or both automatically cheating? Is this a sickness or a problem in their wiring or just a different life choice?
Pobble Answer: Personally, I don't think I have the right to place my morals or expectations on another relationship. Relationships are such personal things and every single one of them is different. If both parties need monogamy to feel a true committment, who am I to tell them they are wrong? If both parties truly agree that monogamy is not a necessary part of their relationship but find commitment between them elsewhere, who am I to tell them they are wrong? (And before anyone says anything about people who agree to it but don't really mean it, please re-read the italicized part of the first paragraph.) I do not believe that we as human beings are hardwired automatically to be polyamorous or monogamous. I think that's about the individuals and between the couple.
Your answer...
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
13 comments:
You're right on the money, if both have mutually agreed upon an "open relationship", then live and let live. If one was arm-twisted into it, or that kind of "you'll let me do this if you want us to stay together", then I'd say run for the hills darlin' before he brings home some disease (I could tell your dozens of horror stories along those lines).
I know that for me, I would be quite happy with monogamy. Besides, it takes more than once a week to explore your mate's every little thing. (I cannot find a better way to word that, so quit laughing!)
What eventually ended my relationship after two years, was himself got bored with monogamy, he preferred to be out playing the field, and some of his exploits were too risky for my tastes. We agreed to disagree and went our separate ways.
It is just me, and only me, with my point of view, that I just cannot understand an "open relationship", I'd like to come home to the same guy every night. But, that's just me.
Live and let live, to each his own, as long as they ALWAYS PLAY SAFELY.
I try not to judge what makes two people come to terms with one another. When I was growing up, we skated with kids that seemed to have parents that were in an open relationship. When pressed, the Mama justified, "He Always Comes Home to Me."
Though I respect that it worked for them, I still find it a wreckless message to give to teenage girls, to this day.
There are so many things to factor in, aren't there?
And yet, I admit, I sometimes wonder about the things I find justifiable. Am I open-minded, or have I merely come to toss up my hands?
Tsk.
BTW, I love Sunday Poll Day!
well, monogamy is for me, but not for everyone... what i hate is when a non-monogamous person makes a committment to be monogamous and then breaks that promise.
being in a truly open relationship means being truly open with your partner (or perhaps partners.)
Hmm. Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote that men in a “state of nature” were programmed to spread seed as far and as wide as possible. If memory serves (this part may not be Rousseau so correct me if I’m wrong), he also thought that women were naturally attracted to strong, alpha male types in order to serve the biological imperative to procreate. Then, after giving birth, women would be attracted to more nurturing types. Rousseau’s model for human relationship behaviour makes sense on some level, I guess. It might explain why women are sometimes attracted to the “wrong guy” for so much of their lives. It also might explain why some people feel comfortable with more than one partner. Personally, I don’t think Rousseau took into account all the things people need from relationships – acceptance, understanding, support… the list could go on. But why couldn’t some people find what they need in threes or fours or tens? If they’re happy, I say don’t worry about it. If they’re not, it won’t last so don’t worry about it. Sorry about the philosophical reference.
I do not judge others though I often wonder how they became like they are- you know free thinkers who will do whatever there fantasies can imagine. I do believe that people should be as one when dating and in marriage and when a person decides to go outside of the marriage, they need to talk about it, be honest and if they still want to go their own way to separate.
Pobble,
Maybe the idea of monogamy vs. polyamory or swinging or etc. etc. should be as per couple and what suits the needs of both.
Of course the issue of morality seems to creep into this conversation to muddle what might be nessecary for a couple to be able to have the full and more satisfying relationship "together".
Perhaps a fulfilling life with oneanother includes exploring alternatives and this should or could be explored as long as both of the persons needs are met and the relationship does not become onesided only.
You all seem well grounded and philosophically imaginative.
I like the forum here as the people as well as the topics are real.
Thanks.
I like your answer as well because it's like anything else - if you feel the need to place your own expectations onto the world at large you're probably going to be irritated, disappointed or both.
Whatever works is what I always say, even if it doesn't work for me.
u know i cant speak 4 everyone but for me and mikey we started out just the two of us and then we thought we wanted 2 play and we found a guy and had him and after we just didnt feel like it was right 4 us so we haven't done that again. i dont cheat on mikey and i dont believe he cheats on me i think for us keeping it close is best!
I have married friends who are swingers. It works for them and while I find it a bit 'odd', it makes them happy and who the hell am I to judge? I love them both and that's all that matters to me.
I wouldn't do it, but I have a good friend whose husband let her have a girlfriend on the side. It worked for them.
As long as BOTH sides agree to it, I guess that's up to them.
Checking in to see if you have received your book "A Hole In My Heart" by Rose for this week's questions. I'll be posting them hopefully tomorrow sometime.
What an interesting Sunday poll question. If I remember, I'll come back this week too! You can bet on it though, I’ll be the conservative voice.
Yes, I can take a stand and say they do, especially for most women. We're fragile creatures as it to be knowing our man and his privates are out making' fun with some other woman.
When I was younger I was more of a free thinker, but age and wisdom have caught up with me. My husband and I are coming up on our eleventh anniversary! It isn't all smiles, but it's been worth it. He's the perfect man for me, and faithful!
I've posted some good stuff this week come by for a look-see.
Chapter one questions are up and answered. Please comment!
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