The Right to Offend, Pt. 2

The entireity of this post was almost " 'Just' shut the fuck up." However, in the interest of being a little more productive than that, I'll phrase it differently.


Recently, I have had several conversations about relationships. Some have been about my relationship with Lithus. Some have been about other people's relationships. Here's what struck me: people (generally) accept things in their own relationships while being incredibly judgemental about things/aspects of other people's. In other words, we tend to be hypocrites. So "just" shut the fuck up. No, wait ~ I'm attempting to be more productive...


We are hypocrites out of love, our concerns for our friends' well-beings, with their 'best interests' at heart or even sometimes just to be "right." Still, we are hypocrites.


The phrase "S/He just needs to..." comes to our lips far too often. Because, folks, if it was "just" that simple, it would have been done by now. Also, the fact that you or I might need to "just need to..." in the same situation does not mean that the person in question "just needs to" do a damn thing.


None of us ~ not one ~ has a perfect relationship. Anyone who claims to is lying to us, themselves or both. And all of us have different deal-breakers. Yet we tend to get angry, frustrated and judgemental when other people's deal-breakers are different from our own. As if we, and only we, have the secret to a healthy relationship.


When I said that, however, in one of the aforementioned conversations, the response was "No, Pobble. Healthy is healthy. It's the same for everyone." Well. No. Eating toasted coconut will kill me. Literally. I go into anaphylactic shock and, if not treated, will die within minutes. It is the single most unhealthy food on the planet for me, including anything cooked in transfats. Does this mean you should stop eating toasted coconut? Hell no. Because it's not unhealthy for you.


"But Pobble, relationships are different." Why? How? I know a woman who is married to a man I think is an asshole. I simply do not like him, as hard as I've tried out of love for the woman. Guess what? Their marriage works for them. It's healthy for them.

So, I have learned over the last few years to keep my mouth shut. No, I'm not perfect. I still step in where it's really none of my business sometimes. I often roll my eyes at choices I see in other relatioships and thank the Goddess I'm not in that situation. More often than not, though, it ends with the eye rolling and the TTG. It doesn't include judgement any longer. I will look for cruelty and/or abuse. That's different. That's when I must step up. But just because I'm grateful I'm not involved with that person? Just because I think he's an asshole or she's crazy? Nah. That's none of my damn business. Because I really hate hypocrisy.


And Lithus and I put up with shit from each other that would make other people crazy. I know this. I do not claim it to be a perfect relationship. However, TTG, it is healthy for us and works for us. So go ahead and roll your eyes at my relationship ~ or someone else's relationship. Be grateful you're not in those relationships. Mutter that you don't understand how we can be in these relationships. All that is fine. Just know there's something in your relationship that makes us roll our eyes too. And "just" shut the fuck up.

Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.