Wednesday, November 19, 2014

It's Not Supposed to Work Like This

I have long been a proponent of the idea that hate hurts exactly one person ~ the hater. The hated goes merrily about their business, while the hater gets eaten up inside, spending far too much energy on hate. I still believe this, wholeheartedly. You know what else I believe, and has been confirmed recently? That there is an exception to every rule. As stunned as I am to admit this, I have found my exception to the hate rule.

There's a person in my life who I hate. It's that simple. I have no control over this person's presence in my life. They are there and there's nothing I can do about this fact. And I have spent countless hours trying not to hate them.

Just recently, I decided to try something. I decided to embrace the hate. The distrust. The absolute knowledge that this person will do something loathsome again. Stunned, shocked, amazed, and even slightly embarrassed. It has worked wonders.

When this person does something hateful, I now simply think "that's why I hate them" and move on. Gone are the hours trying to understand. The hours trying to convince myself that surely this time will be different. The guilt of not being a good enough person to not hate them. The pain when they do something hateful and this time wasn't different.

Not only have I accepted who they are, but I have accepted who I am in response. Before, I dwelt a lot on not hating them. Now, I don't dwell at all on hating them. Before, I dreaded every text, email, and phone call. Now, I hardly notice them. They will be who they are and I will hate them for it, and we'll all move on. So much less angst, anxiety, and stress.

It's an odd place for me to be. I'm someone who loves, easily and readily and with very few conditions. I believe in forgiveness, acceptance, and the ability to let others live their lives without judgement. And now...there's this. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it. For now, though, it is how it is and I'll ride the wave.

Those are unexpected Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.


AppsRus said...

Regrettable perhaps, but a sign of maturity. And helpful in calming existence. It's okay to acknowledge that there are such people in the world and that is okay to simply disengage and move beyond.

Good on ya...

BostonPobble said...

AppsRUs ~ You always know what to say. Thanks.