First, please notice that this is not my only post today. Be sure to scroll down and wish the Lovely Cats a happy birthday.
Now ~ to the sex. In my experience, there are four different forms of sexual encounters:
First, the Casual Hookup. This is usually between total strangers and is relatively self-explanatory. It tends to be a one-time thing but can evolve into...
Friends with Benefits. This is where two people get together for "no strings sex" on a more regular basis than the Casual Hookup allows. The relationship is almost entirely based on sex even if there is hanging out and enjoying each others' company going on before and or after the sex.
Third, is partner sex. This is the Big One. This is where you are actually in love with the person you are with and they with you. It can be slow and gentle or it can be hard, fast and up against the wall. The point is the people involved are commited and, if not in love, heading that way rapidly and at the same pace. This is the intimacy that people often confuse with sex.
Fourth is Friend Sex. This is the tough one. And it is not the same as Friends with Benefits. This begins with deep, platonic love and affection. Both people care deeply for the other one but they aren't partners and have no desire to be partners. The relationship does not revolve around the sex. In fact, sometimes there is only one sexual encounter. The sex actually becomes an extension of the friendship yet once the sex part ends, the friendship and love do not.
I could really use a shot of that fourth one right about now, I gotta be honest. The ex is at it again. The biofamily is at it again. And I have had successful ~ incredibly successful, actually ~ Friend Sex in the past. It's great when you want more than the first two but aren't ready/don't have the third. Kinda like now. Problem is I don't have a friend with whom to have Friend Sex. I could have a Casual Hookup. I could have a Friend with Benefits. I could have a partner in order to have Partner Sex but I'm not ready for that right now. Let's get healthy and past the divorce, shall we?
So, I find myself wishing I had a friend for Friend Sex. Before you ask ~ Chuck and I don't know each other well enough; he would be somewhere between a Casual Hookup and a Friend with Benefits. My Dear One is 20 and virginal. Since the goal is neither to scare nor initiate, he's out. Plus, did I mention he's 20? And if you are thinking about the Muppet, I have two words: incest and ewwwww! Okay, there isn't shared DNA but there might as well be so it's still gross. Which leaves me without Friend Sex. I will, of course, adjust. I'll get over it and get to the point where one of the other three forms of sex is what I'm looking for. It won't, however, be Friend Sex. And right now, that's a shame.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Happy Birthday, Lovely Cats!
Today is the Lovely Cats' birthday.
I have been honored to have her as my sister and friend for 21 years. Just recently, I found several old pictures of her and us. We range in age from 15 and 16 (respectively) to 20 and 21. We were hot stuff ~ and we've only gotten better.
No one knows me as well. No one supports me as completely. No one kicks me in the ass as effectively. No one makes me feel more loved. No one annoys me as consistently. No one has seen me through more. No one can piss me off as deeply. No one gives me more joy. I thank the Goddess every day of my life that the Lovely Cats is in this world ~ and particularly mine.
Go tell her happy birthday. She deserves it.
FindingAvalon3
I have been honored to have her as my sister and friend for 21 years. Just recently, I found several old pictures of her and us. We range in age from 15 and 16 (respectively) to 20 and 21. We were hot stuff ~ and we've only gotten better.
No one knows me as well. No one supports me as completely. No one kicks me in the ass as effectively. No one makes me feel more loved. No one annoys me as consistently. No one has seen me through more. No one can piss me off as deeply. No one gives me more joy. I thank the Goddess every day of my life that the Lovely Cats is in this world ~ and particularly mine.
Go tell her happy birthday. She deserves it.
FindingAvalon3
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you tea with the teabag and spoon left in it.
Monday, March 27, 2006
The Last Mango in Paris
I am often told I am interesting. I ~ not so humbly ~ agree. I am interesting. I've been lucky enough to live an adventurous, creative, interesting life. Partly it was luck, being in the right place at the right time &/or knowing the right people. Partly it was my own doing. And a good chunk of it is because I would rather regret doing something than regret not doing something.
Some of the things I've done:
Some of the things I've done:
- rappelled 200 feet
- sassed Joe Kennedy (I'm from the South; I didn't recognize him)
- worked in the slums of India
- participated in a March for Jesus through the streets of a Caribbean island
- written for national newsletters
- attended formal events that were not school sponsored or weddings
- drank free mudslides in the Caribbean
- heard the screams of wild gorillas
- performed CPR
- been followed by KGB agents
- cleaned egg from my car for being an "Arab-lover"
- been backstage of Broadway shows
- been a go-go dancer
- facilitated trainings and given speaks for 100+ people
- attended rallies and protests
- snorkeled in open water
- gone to trapezee school
- received flowers from a German bellhop on his day off
- gone bouldering, rock climbing, and mountaineering
- worked in the ghettos of the US
- celebrated New Year's with locals at a tourist spot
- taken acting classes from a member of the Royal Shakespearean Company
- gone to strip clubs
- ridden with a Hell's Angel
- knelt at Ghandi's tomb
- sassed a two-star general (I knew exactly who he was)
- received standing ovations
- gotten into fist fights
- eaten figs on the coast of the Adriatic Sea
- been resuscitated (but I can't spell it)
- destroyed threatening notes accusing me of being a "Nigger lover"
- walked hand in hand through the gardens of Versailles with a boy I never saw again
- been denied a visa to Pakistan for being "possibly subversive"
- discombobulated a full-bird colonel
- befriended gang members
- had coffee and conversation with Michael Dukkakis
- skinny dipped
- been questioned at Checkpoint Charlie
Not bad for 36 years old. Can't wait to see what comes next.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I Don't Wanna
I don't want to post again. I like having my weekend in the basement be the post I see every time I call up Pobble Thoughts. I like having the five of us there and being able to re-read it whenever I miss one or all of them. And yes, I can scroll down but it's not the same.
However...life does go on. We can't freeze it, even for the happy stuff. So I'm breaking the ice for myself by posting this non-post. Thank you all for your lovely comments about my picture.
Those are Pobble Thoughts ~ although not very interesting ones. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
However...life does go on. We can't freeze it, even for the happy stuff. So I'm breaking the ice for myself by posting this non-post. Thank you all for your lovely comments about my picture.
Those are Pobble Thoughts ~ although not very interesting ones. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The Boys in the Band
Allow me to introduce to you...
on bass ~ The Muppet
on slow hands ~ Chuck
behind the bar ~ the Grill Master.
And since no band is complete without groupies:
The Divine M:
and me, the Pobble herself:
I love my family.
The weekend in the basement was simply amazing. The Grill Master and the Muppet got on so famously that the Divine M and I aren't sure either man will allow me to return if the Muppet isn't with me. The Poo, who is now (shockingly) three, couldn't get her head around the fact that we were actually saying "Mr. Muppet." She called him "Mr. Muffin" until the day we left.
Saturday night, she went to an aunt's house so the adults could have some grown-up time. Dancing, drinking, shooting pool, conversation, enough food to feed a small country, and so much laughter.
We have decided I am not a small, white woman but am actually a large, black man. We discovered that steak with a side dish of meat makes for a very tasty dinner. We agreed the only phrase funnier than "Mr. Muffin" is "Have you ever been to County?" We learned that Chuck with a beer mug trumps three guys with pool cues. We established that the Grill Master's friends tend to weep like babies when Chuck and a beer mug aren't around to protect them. We confirmed that family is about heart and love and loyalty and is wherever you are lucky enough to find them.
It was the happiest I've been in a very long time.
I love my family.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
on bass ~ The Muppet
on slow hands ~ Chuck
behind the bar ~ the Grill Master.
And since no band is complete without groupies:
The Divine M:
and me, the Pobble herself:
I love my family.
The weekend in the basement was simply amazing. The Grill Master and the Muppet got on so famously that the Divine M and I aren't sure either man will allow me to return if the Muppet isn't with me. The Poo, who is now (shockingly) three, couldn't get her head around the fact that we were actually saying "Mr. Muppet." She called him "Mr. Muffin" until the day we left.
Saturday night, she went to an aunt's house so the adults could have some grown-up time. Dancing, drinking, shooting pool, conversation, enough food to feed a small country, and so much laughter.
We have decided I am not a small, white woman but am actually a large, black man. We discovered that steak with a side dish of meat makes for a very tasty dinner. We agreed the only phrase funnier than "Mr. Muffin" is "Have you ever been to County?" We learned that Chuck with a beer mug trumps three guys with pool cues. We established that the Grill Master's friends tend to weep like babies when Chuck and a beer mug aren't around to protect them. We confirmed that family is about heart and love and loyalty and is wherever you are lucky enough to find them.
It was the happiest I've been in a very long time.
I love my family.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
RJ Update
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your thoughts and concern. I will make sure my Dear One gets them. RJ is his cousin. It's public now so I don't feel like I am betraying a confidence by saying that.
At this point, RJ is back on chemo and doing reasonably well. Mostly, according to my Dear One, he's really pissed. We figure that's a good sign. ;) Doctors aren't willing to commit to much more than "Let's see what happens with this round of chemo" at this point. It's a slow, frustrating time for the family. However, as my Dear One and his Momma say, if having RJ around means being frustrated with doctors, they'll take being frustrated with doctors!
Those are Pobble Thoughts ~ and Pobble Thanks. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
At this point, RJ is back on chemo and doing reasonably well. Mostly, according to my Dear One, he's really pissed. We figure that's a good sign. ;) Doctors aren't willing to commit to much more than "Let's see what happens with this round of chemo" at this point. It's a slow, frustrating time for the family. However, as my Dear One and his Momma say, if having RJ around means being frustrated with doctors, they'll take being frustrated with doctors!
Those are Pobble Thoughts ~ and Pobble Thanks. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Not the Post I Expected
This isn't a post about the weekend in the basement. That will come ~ as it deserves to come. This is a prayer request.
His name is RJ. He is the cousin of one of my dearest friends. He is 10 years old. Last winter, doctors discovered a tumor the size of a small grapefruit wrapping around his liver. He has been on chemo ever since. Today, the doctors attempted to remove the tumor only to discover it is attached to an artery. RJ lost a lot of blood and the tumor is currently believed to be inoperable. My friend will be in touch as he and the family learn more and I will keep you posted. Meanwhile, please, please pray, in whatever form that takes in your life. If you call it casting or prayer or sending warm fuzzies, I believe that it works. Feel free to fwd this post on as an email, link to it, post it on church/temple bulletin boards, announce it in bible study, offer it in your Circle ~ whatever.
Thank you.
Those are Pobble Thoughts and Pobble Prayers.
His name is RJ. He is the cousin of one of my dearest friends. He is 10 years old. Last winter, doctors discovered a tumor the size of a small grapefruit wrapping around his liver. He has been on chemo ever since. Today, the doctors attempted to remove the tumor only to discover it is attached to an artery. RJ lost a lot of blood and the tumor is currently believed to be inoperable. My friend will be in touch as he and the family learn more and I will keep you posted. Meanwhile, please, please pray, in whatever form that takes in your life. If you call it casting or prayer or sending warm fuzzies, I believe that it works. Feel free to fwd this post on as an email, link to it, post it on church/temple bulletin boards, announce it in bible study, offer it in your Circle ~ whatever.
Thank you.
Those are Pobble Thoughts and Pobble Prayers.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Back to the Basement
So, I'm off to the Basement for the weekend. Everyone be safe, be well, be happy and have fun. Expect the next few posts to be overly sentimental, emotional and overflowing with love for my family. I apologize in advance for any insulin attacks I cause. I do love these people...
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
If It Walks Like a Pobble...
I am virtually unrecognizable.
Yesterday my mother acted like my mother. A year ago, I would have been in tears on the phone to one of my dear friends. Yesterday, I said "Okay. Talk to you later" and forgot all about it until right now.
Sunday, I bought a carton of smokes. Opened the first pack Monday morning. Just now (Wednesday at nearly 5 o'clock in the evening) opened the second one.
This morning, I pulled my jeans out of my dresser and was distressed by the fact that they were a little tight. I thought I had been closer to getting into my 14s than this. Until I realized these are my 14s.
While I cannot completely rule out alien invasion and/or kidnapping, I think it's probably just happiness. And happiness is really not overrated.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Yesterday my mother acted like my mother. A year ago, I would have been in tears on the phone to one of my dear friends. Yesterday, I said "Okay. Talk to you later" and forgot all about it until right now.
Sunday, I bought a carton of smokes. Opened the first pack Monday morning. Just now (Wednesday at nearly 5 o'clock in the evening) opened the second one.
This morning, I pulled my jeans out of my dresser and was distressed by the fact that they were a little tight. I thought I had been closer to getting into my 14s than this. Until I realized these are my 14s.
While I cannot completely rule out alien invasion and/or kidnapping, I think it's probably just happiness. And happiness is really not overrated.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Oh God No
PIERRE, S.D. - Gov. Mike Rounds signed legislation Monday banning nearly all abortions in South Dakota, setting up a court fight aimed at challenging the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion.
The bill would make it a crime for doctors to perform an abortion unless the procedure was necessary to save the woman’s life. It would make no exception for cases of rape or incest.
Planned Parenthood, which operates the state’s only abortion clinic, in Sioux Falls, has pledged to challenge the measure in court.
Those are Pobble Fears. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
The bill would make it a crime for doctors to perform an abortion unless the procedure was necessary to save the woman’s life. It would make no exception for cases of rape or incest.
Planned Parenthood, which operates the state’s only abortion clinic, in Sioux Falls, has pledged to challenge the measure in court.
Those are Pobble Fears. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
My New Best Friend
Yep, I have a new best friend. And I can hear you now: What about the Divine M? Or your Muppet? Yes, they will always have a special place in my heart. But neither of them can compete with this ~
My new best friend. My dishwasher. But it's not just a dishwasher. It's a countertop dishwasher. Which means it is small. Which means it is perfect for me and just me. Which means I don't have to fill a full-sized dishwasher to feel comfortable running it. Which means putting the dishes away doesn't take an hour. Yes, my countertop dishwasher. My new best friend.
Trust me, the Divine M and the Muppet understand.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
My new best friend. My dishwasher. But it's not just a dishwasher. It's a countertop dishwasher. Which means it is small. Which means it is perfect for me and just me. Which means I don't have to fill a full-sized dishwasher to feel comfortable running it. Which means putting the dishes away doesn't take an hour. Yes, my countertop dishwasher. My new best friend.Trust me, the Divine M and the Muppet understand.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Saturday Ramblings
1. The lead singer of INXS is J.D. Fortune. That's just for Jaded. :)
2. This morning I woke up to an email from an ex. We broke up years ago. It started "Why do I still long for you?" Looks like I'm somebody's One Who Got Away.
3. This coming weekend, the Muppet and I are heading to the Divine M's and the Grill Master's house. Three of my favorite people together in one of my favorite places. I feel like a kid counting down until Christmas. Expect to hear more.
4. My doggie, Daisy, had a tumor removed from her butt. Yesterday we learned it was benign. TTG! This morning, she decided to celebrate by digging through my dirty laundry and wearing a pair of my underwear as a hat. I have no idea how long this went on before she chose to join me in the office. I am sorry I couldn't find my camera.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
2. This morning I woke up to an email from an ex. We broke up years ago. It started "Why do I still long for you?" Looks like I'm somebody's One Who Got Away.
3. This coming weekend, the Muppet and I are heading to the Divine M's and the Grill Master's house. Three of my favorite people together in one of my favorite places. I feel like a kid counting down until Christmas. Expect to hear more.
4. My doggie, Daisy, had a tumor removed from her butt. Yesterday we learned it was benign. TTG! This morning, she decided to celebrate by digging through my dirty laundry and wearing a pair of my underwear as a hat. I have no idea how long this went on before she chose to join me in the office. I am sorry I couldn't find my camera.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Friday, March 03, 2006
INXS?
My musical tastes have always been eclectic. I admit it. I love everything from bubblegum (think the Archies ~ seriously Bubblegum) to hard rock; classical to house; international where I have no clue what language they are singing in let alone what they are singing to 80s pop where I know the language but the words still don't make sense (have you listened to some of those songs????). Loreena McKinnit and Metallica, thank you very much. And, of course, my beloved big band/swing. However, my current favorite c.d. has taken even me by surprise.
Even during the 90s when they were at their pinnacle, I wasn't a huge INXS fan. Their stuff was okay. I wouldn't change the station when their music came on but I never bought a single tape either. I can't tell you the name of the original lead singer although I do know he committed suicide. And you now know everything I have known about INXS up until now.
Several weeks ago, the Lovely Cats gave me the new INXS c.d. I'm hooked. I'm hooked like I was hooked when I first heard AC/DC scream. Like I was hooked the first time I heard Frank croon. Like the first time I heard Vivaldi soar. And I can't tell you why (although I'm sure Jaded would tell you it's because of the new singer, J.D. ... Someone.)
I've learned that, even when I'm shocked by something, I should just roll with it. Good things often come unexpectedly and not giving into them because they are new or they "aren't me" doesn't serve me. So, I'm rolling with it. And letting myself listen to this c.d. as often as I want ~ although I'm sure the puppies are a little tired of it by now. But hey, I'm the one with opposable thumbs so I get to make the rules around the house!
At least I still can't tell you what the lead singer's name is. I'm taking comfort in that fact.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Even during the 90s when they were at their pinnacle, I wasn't a huge INXS fan. Their stuff was okay. I wouldn't change the station when their music came on but I never bought a single tape either. I can't tell you the name of the original lead singer although I do know he committed suicide. And you now know everything I have known about INXS up until now.
Several weeks ago, the Lovely Cats gave me the new INXS c.d. I'm hooked. I'm hooked like I was hooked when I first heard AC/DC scream. Like I was hooked the first time I heard Frank croon. Like the first time I heard Vivaldi soar. And I can't tell you why (although I'm sure Jaded would tell you it's because of the new singer, J.D. ... Someone.)
I've learned that, even when I'm shocked by something, I should just roll with it. Good things often come unexpectedly and not giving into them because they are new or they "aren't me" doesn't serve me. So, I'm rolling with it. And letting myself listen to this c.d. as often as I want ~ although I'm sure the puppies are a little tired of it by now. But hey, I'm the one with opposable thumbs so I get to make the rules around the house!
At least I still can't tell you what the lead singer's name is. I'm taking comfort in that fact.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The One That Got Away
Do you have a person in your past that makes you think "Wow...what if?" A friend of mine, Dr. B. and I were out this past weekend and she told me she has been invited to visit her one that got away. Which led to a very interesting discussion. Not many people get a chance to revisit these individuals. Personally, I am of the opinion that she should go. If there is still a spark there, whoo-hoo! If there isn't, then she knows that and doesn't live the rest of her life wondering. Then she asked the dreaded question: Do I have one that got away. Well, hell. Don't we all?
Since reading the title of this post, Nemeria has been thinking "OMG! She's posting about D.D.!" The One in VA and the Lovely Cats would be as well but I have spoken with them since the lock came off this particular storage box. That's the one problem with having friends who have known you this long ~ they know your secrets and what you keep locked away. ;)
Anyway, D.D....Lord, was I crazy about him. And, looking back on it as an adult, I can see that it was mutual. But at the time, two insecure teenagers, neither one really wanting to be the first to ask for something formal and official, it just never quite came together for us. When we met, we hated each other. Neither one of us thought the other knew anything about theatre and that the other was a total wanna-be. Then one day we got to singing show tunes in the dressing room. By the time we were done, we were friends. We became better friends. And I think I fell in love a little with him over songs from Oliver. He called me "my lady, Dulcinea", which, if you know Man of LaMancha is an amazingly beautiful nickname. I wrote him while he was in the army and while he was attending Julliard. Opening night of every show either one of us did, there would be at least one rose from the other. His father was one of my favorite directors and I would work with Tommy again today if he called. And D.D. kept up with my doings through his dad. And then one day...we both left town and didn't really come back.
We emailed for a while a few years ago. But we were both married and he had a child on the way and there were too many unresolved issues between us for it to be completely platonic and just catching up with an old friend. Last I heard from him, D.D. was a daddy with a son. Now, he's living in Wisconsin acting and teaching theatre at an equity house. Any time an actor has a full-time acting gig with an equity house, it's a good thing. Even if it's in Wisconsin. I, of course, am writing and that's an amazing thing. You want to know a secret, though? If you know what you're looking for, you will find D.D. in the very first novella I ever wrote and around the edges of the hero of my first novel. If you know what you're looking for...
I hope he's happy. I hope his son is healthy and his wife is strong and they are a good family. And yeah, part of me wishes I could find out for certain that those things are true. Still, most of me knows it's time to seal and lock this box back up again. Dr. B may have gotten her invitation but I haven't gotten mine and I'm not likely to. That's just how it goes sometimes.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee...maybe even in Wisconsin.
Since reading the title of this post, Nemeria has been thinking "OMG! She's posting about D.D.!" The One in VA and the Lovely Cats would be as well but I have spoken with them since the lock came off this particular storage box. That's the one problem with having friends who have known you this long ~ they know your secrets and what you keep locked away. ;)
Anyway, D.D....Lord, was I crazy about him. And, looking back on it as an adult, I can see that it was mutual. But at the time, two insecure teenagers, neither one really wanting to be the first to ask for something formal and official, it just never quite came together for us. When we met, we hated each other. Neither one of us thought the other knew anything about theatre and that the other was a total wanna-be. Then one day we got to singing show tunes in the dressing room. By the time we were done, we were friends. We became better friends. And I think I fell in love a little with him over songs from Oliver. He called me "my lady, Dulcinea", which, if you know Man of LaMancha is an amazingly beautiful nickname. I wrote him while he was in the army and while he was attending Julliard. Opening night of every show either one of us did, there would be at least one rose from the other. His father was one of my favorite directors and I would work with Tommy again today if he called. And D.D. kept up with my doings through his dad. And then one day...we both left town and didn't really come back.
We emailed for a while a few years ago. But we were both married and he had a child on the way and there were too many unresolved issues between us for it to be completely platonic and just catching up with an old friend. Last I heard from him, D.D. was a daddy with a son. Now, he's living in Wisconsin acting and teaching theatre at an equity house. Any time an actor has a full-time acting gig with an equity house, it's a good thing. Even if it's in Wisconsin. I, of course, am writing and that's an amazing thing. You want to know a secret, though? If you know what you're looking for, you will find D.D. in the very first novella I ever wrote and around the edges of the hero of my first novel. If you know what you're looking for...
I hope he's happy. I hope his son is healthy and his wife is strong and they are a good family. And yeah, part of me wishes I could find out for certain that those things are true. Still, most of me knows it's time to seal and lock this box back up again. Dr. B may have gotten her invitation but I haven't gotten mine and I'm not likely to. That's just how it goes sometimes.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee...maybe even in Wisconsin.
Friday, February 24, 2006
5 Things I Didn't Say
1. Now?!!? You're telling me this now??!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?
2. You're not sick. You're abused. Everyone knows it but you. Wake the fuck up. Don't go to yet another doctor. Go to an attorney.
3. Get your ass into therapy already.
4. Yes, I'm fucking scared. And I'm going to be okay. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, asshole. Maybe if you would let yourself feel you'd be able to realize that.
5. You can't even speak a complete sentence or hold down a job longer than six weeks. What in God's name makes you think you can write a book?
The odds are good that if you are reading this blog, you are not the intended recepient of any of these comments.
And thank God for my blog.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
2. You're not sick. You're abused. Everyone knows it but you. Wake the fuck up. Don't go to yet another doctor. Go to an attorney.
3. Get your ass into therapy already.
4. Yes, I'm fucking scared. And I'm going to be okay. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, asshole. Maybe if you would let yourself feel you'd be able to realize that.
5. You can't even speak a complete sentence or hold down a job longer than six weeks. What in God's name makes you think you can write a book?
The odds are good that if you are reading this blog, you are not the intended recepient of any of these comments.
And thank God for my blog.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Confessions of a Slob
Hi. My name is Pobble and I'm a slob.
We all know that admitting a problem is the first step towards solving the problem. I, however, have never quite managed to take the next step. Actually, that's not true. I have taken the next step. And the next. And even a couple after that. I just took them in the wrong direction.
See, I used to be cluttered ~ very cluttered ~ but clean. Now? Now, sadly, I am just a slob. Yes, I had been known to buy new underwear until I got around to doing laundry but you could still eat off any surface in my home. I suppose you still could, I just wouldn't recommend it.
Several things have contributed to my downfall. First, came the joy of living alone. No husband or roommates to have to respect. Whoo-hoo! Freedom. Then came a pretty severe depressive episode (that's for another post but I won't be surprised or insulted if lightbulbs just went on for some people!) Let's suffice it to say that cleaning isn't really a priority when you're struggling every day to get out of bed at all. Finally, the decision to become a full-time writer. Little things like dishes and laundry seem so unimportant when compared to finding out the average January temperature in North Carolina or learning the definition of nugatory.
But you want the truth? Here it is ~ the truth is I'm just lazy. And it's finally caught up with me.
I've lived on my own a long time now. My last episode ended almost a year ago. There are plenty of hours in the day when I'm not working. But I don't clean, either. There are puppies to be snuggled and blogs to write. Friends to instant message and Harry Potter to read for the umpteenth time. Hell, if given the choice between cleaning my bedroom and studying my bellybutton, the bellybutton is going to win every time. It's kind of cute, actually.
So, while there are limits to my slobbishness (doggies' accidents get cleaned immediately and I change my sheets and towels regularly), I think I will embrace my slovenly nature. For now at least. Maybe it is a stage I will grow out of in time. And, if not, eventually Pauline can pay for maid service.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
We all know that admitting a problem is the first step towards solving the problem. I, however, have never quite managed to take the next step. Actually, that's not true. I have taken the next step. And the next. And even a couple after that. I just took them in the wrong direction.
See, I used to be cluttered ~ very cluttered ~ but clean. Now? Now, sadly, I am just a slob. Yes, I had been known to buy new underwear until I got around to doing laundry but you could still eat off any surface in my home. I suppose you still could, I just wouldn't recommend it.
Several things have contributed to my downfall. First, came the joy of living alone. No husband or roommates to have to respect. Whoo-hoo! Freedom. Then came a pretty severe depressive episode (that's for another post but I won't be surprised or insulted if lightbulbs just went on for some people!) Let's suffice it to say that cleaning isn't really a priority when you're struggling every day to get out of bed at all. Finally, the decision to become a full-time writer. Little things like dishes and laundry seem so unimportant when compared to finding out the average January temperature in North Carolina or learning the definition of nugatory.
But you want the truth? Here it is ~ the truth is I'm just lazy. And it's finally caught up with me.
I've lived on my own a long time now. My last episode ended almost a year ago. There are plenty of hours in the day when I'm not working. But I don't clean, either. There are puppies to be snuggled and blogs to write. Friends to instant message and Harry Potter to read for the umpteenth time. Hell, if given the choice between cleaning my bedroom and studying my bellybutton, the bellybutton is going to win every time. It's kind of cute, actually.
So, while there are limits to my slobbishness (doggies' accidents get cleaned immediately and I change my sheets and towels regularly), I think I will embrace my slovenly nature. For now at least. Maybe it is a stage I will grow out of in time. And, if not, eventually Pauline can pay for maid service.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Men, Men, Yummy Men
With everything that has happened this week, I have decided to go from the emotionally draining to pure lust. It works for me tonight. I have been told I have unusual taste in men. Perhaps this is true. Generally speaking, I don't like pretty boys. My nephew and I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith while he was here (it's PG-13) and he asked if I thought Brad Pitt was handsome. Well...no. Not really. The exception to my pretty boy rule is Orlando Bloom. There's something about him. But generally, give me a man who isn't pretty. Who doesn't look like he will take longer to get ready to go out than I do. Who has seen some life and wears it well. Men like...
Brian Dennehy ~ who has been my number one celebrity crush since I was a teenager.
Morgan Freeman ~ who is so cool he makes Samuel L. Jackson look like he's trying too hard. Plus, he taught me to read when he was on Electric Company lo those many, many years ago. Hard to get cooler than that.
Chow Yun Fat ~ Who moves like a dream and smiles like a god.
Now, before you ask, no, they don't have to be old. Let us not forget...
Joaquin Phoenix ~ who is just going to get better and better as he ages
Josh Hartnett ~ who just makes me happy
Johnny Depp ~ who outgrew being a pretty boy quite nicely in my opinion
Still, I've got nothing against pretty boys. They just aren't usually my type. Except of course, for Orlando.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Speechless
My mother acknowledged that her choices and behaviors over the last three years as I dealt with the divorce have been mistakes. Then she said this:
"While I can't tell you how I'm feeling about (him) right now, I do know I cannot be comfortable with a person who causes this kind of pain. I'm finally getting it the way you have wanted me to get it for so long."
I cannot simply pretend the last three years haven't happened and that she hasn't made the choices she made. And still, what an amazing first step in the healing process between us.
Speechless.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
"While I can't tell you how I'm feeling about (him) right now, I do know I cannot be comfortable with a person who causes this kind of pain. I'm finally getting it the way you have wanted me to get it for so long."
I cannot simply pretend the last three years haven't happened and that she hasn't made the choices she made. And still, what an amazing first step in the healing process between us.
Speechless.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Priorities
My ex-husband is at it again. Lots of noise, blustering and posturing from him and his attorney. I've spent the last two days dealing with their crap. At one point yesterday, I needed a break and made a grocery list. It was very short and didn't provide much of a break. But today, with some good advice from appsrus (see previous post), I think I have finally gotten everything finished.
Feeling quite pleased with myself, on the way home from my Dealing With It jaunt, I stopped by the store. Afterall, I had just made the list yesterday and it was short so I should be fine. I bought coffee, half and half, the ingredients for oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies, and ritual candles. Excellent!
When I got home, I double checked my list. Yep, everything I got was on it. I forgot milk, cheese, bread, and cereal. But really, who needs food when you have coffee, cookies, and candles?????
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Feeling quite pleased with myself, on the way home from my Dealing With It jaunt, I stopped by the store. Afterall, I had just made the list yesterday and it was short so I should be fine. I bought coffee, half and half, the ingredients for oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies, and ritual candles. Excellent!
When I got home, I double checked my list. Yep, everything I got was on it. I forgot milk, cheese, bread, and cereal. But really, who needs food when you have coffee, cookies, and candles?????
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
My Elder
Something I have always felt was out of sorts with our society is the fact that we don't encourage friendships between generations. One of my favorite movies is The Magnificent Seven. Yul Brenner and Steve McQueen. It's aesthetically pleasing as well as a good movie. Anyway (digressing...), at one point the village is trying to decide what to do. Finally, one of the men looks at the others and says "We'll ask the Old Man. He'll know what to do." But in this society, who is the Old Man? The Town Elder? The Wise Woman? The person who's seen it and done it and has the wisdom to look objectively at a situation and see it clearly? We don't encourage this mindset.
Both my parents were only children so I don't have aunts and uncles. What I was reminided of yesterday is I have appsrus. You've heard about him here before; you've probably read his comments (although he's been MIA for a while). He has been in my life ... forever. And yesterday, while I was dealing with yet more bullshit from my ex and I just needed someone to know what was going on, I called on my Elder.
He's not overly emotional yet he can express love and concern and support with very few words. And he always has. Yesterday was no exception. He gave me some good advice but mostly he just listened. He didn't judge, he didn't lecture, he didn't pity, he didn't play Trash Pobble's Mom. He was, however, there. Unquestionably, inarguably, undeniably there.
This should not be a rare thing. This should be something we all know we have when we need it. It's a shame that it is so rare. And I'm so grateful for him.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
Both my parents were only children so I don't have aunts and uncles. What I was reminided of yesterday is I have appsrus. You've heard about him here before; you've probably read his comments (although he's been MIA for a while). He has been in my life ... forever. And yesterday, while I was dealing with yet more bullshit from my ex and I just needed someone to know what was going on, I called on my Elder.
He's not overly emotional yet he can express love and concern and support with very few words. And he always has. Yesterday was no exception. He gave me some good advice but mostly he just listened. He didn't judge, he didn't lecture, he didn't pity, he didn't play Trash Pobble's Mom. He was, however, there. Unquestionably, inarguably, undeniably there.
This should not be a rare thing. This should be something we all know we have when we need it. It's a shame that it is so rare. And I'm so grateful for him.
Those are Pobble Thoughts. That and a buck fifty will get you coffee.
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